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From Wikipedia
Born: Vera Mindy Chokalingam, June 24, 1979 (1979-06-24), Cambridge, Massachusetts, U.S.
Occupation: Actress, Writer, Comedian
Years active: 2004 – present
Mindy Kaling (born June 24, 1979) is an American actress, stand-up comedian, and writer who stars as Kelly Kapoor on the NBC sitcom The Office. Kaling is also a co-executive producer and writer of several of the Emmy Award-winning show's episodes.
Biography
Early life
Kaling was born Vera Mindy Chokalingam in Cambridge, Massachusetts, of Indian descent.[3] She graduated from Buckingham Browne & Nichols, a private school in Cambridge, Massachusetts in 1997. The following year, she began attending Dartmouth College, where she was a member of the improvisational comedy troupe "The Dog Day Players" and the a cappella group "The Rockapellas", as well as the creator of the comic strip "Badly Drawn Girl" in The Dartmouth college newspaper. She graduated in 2001.[4] In 2003, she portrayed Ben Affleck in a play entitled "Matt & Ben", which she also co-wrote. The play was named one of Time magazine's "Top Ten Theatrical Events of The Year".
Career
In early 2004, she was hired as a writer and performer for the American version of The Office. She has written several episodes for the series.
Originally, executive producer Greg Daniels wasn't sure where to use her onscreen in the series, until the point in the episode "Diversity
Day" where Steve Carell's insensitive character Michael Scott needed to be slapped by a minority character. In a 2007 interview with The A.V.
Club, Kaling stated that the Kelly character is "an exaggerated version of what I think the upper-level writers believe my personality is."[5]
After the "Diwali" episode, Kaling appeared with Daniels on NPR's Fresh Air.[6] Kaling played Richard Lewis's assistant in a 2005 episode
of Curb Your Enthusiasm, and in April 2006 she was a guest writer for one episode of Saturday Night Live. Kaling's first film role was in The 40
Year-Old Virgin, which starred Steve Carell, who plays Michael Scott on The Office. In 2007, her standup comedy was
featured on the CD Comedy Death-Ray. Kaling writes about shopping in a blog called "Things I Bought That I Love".
In 2008, Kaling co-wrote and starred in the pilot for the Strike.TV web show House Poor,[7] which Lester Lewis co-wrote and produced.
Episodes of The Office written by Kaling
"Hot Girl" Corporate informs Michael that an incentive program has been set up where the top Dunder Mifflin sales representative will be rewarded with a prize of up to $1000. As Michael decides on choosing that prize, a pretty young purse saleswoman sets up shop in the conference room, which catches every male's eye.
"The Dundies" Michael holds his annual office award ceremony, The Dundies, much to the displeasure of the rest of the office.
"The Injury" Michael accidentally burns his foot on a grill, but insists coming to work anyway. When none of his employees, except for Dwight, help him, Michael feels under-appreciated and starts a disability seminar. Meanwhile, Dwight starts acting different to everyone.
"Take Your Daughter to Work Day" Michael is frustrated that Take Your Daughter to Work Day will force him to tone down his office antics, while Pam sets out to get at least one of the four children in the office to like her. Michael ends up showing a tape of a T.V. show he was on as a kid, only to find out that his life is nothing like he dreamed it would be as a child.
"Diwali" Kelly invites the entire staff to a celebration of Diwali, a Hindu festival that night. Michael brings Carol and publicly proposes to her, only to get rejected while Ryan fails to make a favourable impression on Kelly's parents. In Stamford, Andy, Karen and Jim work late to do extra paperwork, which Andy turns into a night of drinking.
"Ben Franklin" The employees from the office prepare for Phyllis' wedding. Michael plans a bachelor party and instructs Dwight to hire a stripper for the men and delegates Jim to hire one for the women. While Dwight hires a stripper, Jim ends up hiring a Ben Franklin impersonator instead.
"Branch Wars" Karen tries to "poach" Stanley from Dunder Mifflin Scranton, to go work in the Utica branch. In revenge, Michael and Dwight trick Jim into travelling to the company's Utica branch, where the group attempts to prank Karen. Back at the office, Pam, Oscar, and Toby try to hold an exclusive club meeting, with disastrous results.
"Night Out" Michael and Dwight travel to New York City to party with Ryan. Meanwhile, the remaining employees are going to be forced to work on a Saturday. Instead, Jim suggests they work late on Friday night, so they do not have to come in the next day. Once the employees are finished working, they find that they are locked in.
"Frame Toby" Michael is upset when he learns that Toby is back as their HR representative, as such, he tries to get Toby fired. Meanwhile, Pam writes an anonymous memo about cleanliness, while Jim buys his parents house for the two to live in.
"Lecture Circuit: Part 1" Michael and Pam start a lecture circuit to other branches in orfer to pass on Michael's "expertise". Back in Scranton, Dwight and Jim take over the party-planning committee, but accidentally forget Kelly's birthday.
"Lecture Circuit: Part 2" Michael and Pam continue their lectures and head to the Nashua branch, so Michael can see Holly again. Jim and Dwight attempt to create the best party ever for Kelly.
"Golden Ticket" Michael creates a new marketing idea that involves putting five golden tickets into paper reams and promises a 10% discount for the customer. But when Dunder Mifflin's biggest customer finds all five, Michael makes Dwight take the blame.
References
1. Online list of 2001 Dartmouth grads, TheDartmouth.com
2. Heather Kofke-Egger. March 5, 1999. Chokalingham '01: comedy is a way of life, TheDartmouth.com
3. Happy Diwali From 'The Office':Mindy Kaling takes center stage in episode about Hindu festival Zap2it, retrieved February 5, 2008
4. Swiss, Zach. May 23, 2006. Kaling '01 embarks on acting, writing career for 'The Office', TheDartmouth.com
5. The A.V. Club, retrieved February 5, 2008
6. Gross, Terry (November 2, 2006). "Writing 'The Office'". Fresh Air. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6422523.
Retrieved on December 1, 2008.
7. House Poor
Mindy Kaling plays the chatty and bubbly Kelly Kapoor on "The Office." Kaling is also a writer/ producer on the show and has written several episodes, including "Hot Girl," "The Dundies," "Take Your Daughter to Work Day" and "The Injury."
"The Injury" is the recipient of the prestigious Media Access Award presented by Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Prior to working on "The Office," Kaling co-wrote and co-starred in the hit off-Broadway play "Matt & Ben," which won the New York International Fringe Festival's Best Play prize and went on to be a featured selection at the 2003 U.S. Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen. The play was on Rolling Stone's Hot List and was listed as one of Time Magazine's top ten theatrical events of 2003.
In film, Kaling was the object of Paul Rudd's unwanted affections in Universal's "The Forty Year-Old Virgin." She has also been the object of Larry David's unwanted affections in the hit HBO comedy series "Curb Your Enthusiasm." Kaling can also be seen in the upcoming feature films "License to Wed" and "Unaccompanied Minors."
Kaling was invited to be a guest writer on "Saturday Night Live" and is currently penning a sorority comedy for Fox Atomic. The film is based on her experiences at Dartmouth College.
She is from Cambridge, Massachusetts and currently resides in Los Angeles.
How did you get into comedy?
Mindy Kaling: I'm not good at anything except writing jokes. I wasn't good at sports, I wasn't good at anything artsy, ever. I think there was a real worry for a while about what I would be good at. I was just this chubby little Indian kid who looked like a nerd. I didn't have a ton of academic skills. It wasn't until I was in high school that I was like, "I guess I like writing dialogue." So that's how I got into it. And I loved SNL. I wasn't like everyone else, I was a big SNL nerd. I was allowed to watch it.
What drew you to SNL?
Mindy Kaling: You know, I think this is not the artsiest answer, but I just loved Dana Carvey. I must have been 10 or 11, but anything Dana Carvey ever did, I just really loved. He was on for a long time, I don't really know when that era was. I could watch Dana Carvey with my parents, they loved him too. They loved all his characters. Later, Adam Sandler and David Spade, most of my friends feel like they were raised on that, but I couldn't watch that with my folks as much, because they did racier things.
What was the first joke you wrote that you remember liking?
Mindy Kaling: When I was a little kid, I wrote this play about all these characters living in a haunted house. There was a witch who lived there, and a mummy. When they were all hassling him, this guy who bought the house—I can't believe I remember this—he said to them, "Who's paying the mortgage on this haunted house?" I thought that was really funny when I was a little kid.
Does a haunted house require a special mortgage?
Mindy Kaling: I don't even know. I think that's a more sophisticated kind of thinking. I just remember, "Who's paying the mortgage on this haunted house?" It was probably because I just recently was told what a mortgage was or something.
Was Dartmouth a good place to do comedy?
Mindy Kaling: There wasn't a big tradition of comedy at Dartmouth. More than that, there wasn't really anything artsy going on in Hanover, or even in New Hampshire. The cool thing about the school is that there's nothing for people to watch, so if you were to do a play or a sketch or an improv troupe, it was always packed. There's nowhere else for anyone to go. But there was no comedy. The Jack-O-Lantern was our comedy paper, but now that I work with all the Harvard Lampoon guys, you can't even compare it to what's going on at the Lampoon.
You played Ben Affleck in Matt And Ben, right? Why were you better suited to play him than Matt Damon?
Mindy Kaling: My friend [and Matt And Ben costar] Brenda is about six inches taller than me, I'm 5'3". For some reason, it was that obvious reversal, it just seemed like it would be funnier if the shorter, more petite person would play the more macho character. I don't even know if it was conscious decision-making. I was just so drawn to that character from the very beginning. Before we even knew it was a play. I just wanted to play that guy. Maybe because it was just the opposite of the way my voice is, which sounds like an 11-year-old girl. It just seemed more of a fun stretch, for me to play the less fastidious, goofy guy.
Did you do a lot of research into Ben Affleck before this play?
Mindy Kaling: Before it came out, it was impossible not to have done research on him, because he was in every paper. Even my 50-year-old Indian mom knew the details of his life. It was pretty easy at that point.
Did you find out anything most people don't know about Ben Affleck?
Mindy Kaling: No. I think he's just kind of a cool, likeable guy. He's never really done or said anything that I thought was just stupid. I remember there was this one interview where he was talking about the kind of music he likes, and it wasn't like… they do interviews with Jake Gyllenhaal or Tobey Maguire that are just like "I love Arcade Fire and fucking Silver Jews," or whatever. In the interview, he was like, "I like Dave Matthews Band." And I just thought that was kind of nice, because he even said, "I know it's lame or whatever, but it's really what I listen to." There's nothing so great about having shitty taste in music or anything, but I thought it was nice that he didn't do a lot of posturing.
Did you do the play before or after you worked on Crossing Over With John Edward?
Mindy Kaling: It was kind of the same time. I would work at Crossing Over and then I would go home and write with Brenda. I think the Fringe Festival was happening during that. It was all during that same period.
What was it like working on the show?
Mindy Kaling: People ask me this question all the time. I never had anything remotely remarkable happen. I've had so many more supernatural phenomena happen to me when I've been working in Burbank on The Office than I did working with John Edward. It was really just a PA job… the one really interesting thing was that I'd never seen grief so much. I've never seen so many grieving people, because I've never known anyone that's died, and that was the most interesting part of it.
It sounds incredibly depressing, actually.
Mindy Kaling: It was pretty depressing. Although people were so excited to be able to be connecting. I mean, people who'd lost little children and stuff would come on and feel like they were connecting with them. In some ways, it could be very uplifting.
Did you feel like he actually believed that he had the ability to talk to dead people?
Mindy Kaling: He was pretty blasé about it. This is so terrible, I'm sure I'm going to get some hate mail for this. It never seemed to me like he really believed it, but everyone around him was just telling him what a genius he was, and how amazing he was, all the time. People really did seem to believe. We'd get these letters too, people were like, "I've been waiting a year and a half just to come on the show," and it's just this shitty little studio off in Astoria. We were just like, "Wow."
The Office was your first professional comedy writing job, right? Were you hired as a writer, or a writer-performer?
Mindy Kaling: I was hired as a writer-performer. I didn't know this, actually, when I signed my contract, because I was a staff writer, but there was a performer clause in the contract.
They snuck it in there?
Mindy Kaling: Greg snuck it in there, yeah.
So you could have been forced to be on camera without actually wanting to, then.
Mindy Kaling: Yes, I suppose I could have been forced.
How did your character develop, and at what point was it clear that you were going to play her?
Mindy Kaling: The character developed because Kelly is an exaggerated version of what I think the upper-level writers on my show believe my personality is. That first season, where there were no other women writers, we'd have these whole stretches of time where I'd have to play kind of the little sister, and the youngest, and the girliest. But it's weird, because Greg hired me off of seeing Matt And Ben, so he saw me when I was at my butchiest ever. And the Kelly character is such an idiotic girl, super girly-girl.
Was the character conceived around you, or was the slot of the character conceived before you were brought on staff?
Mindy Kaling: I think that Greg knew he wanted to have a more populated world of characters [after the pilot], and I think that he wanted… I don't know. I guess, I don't think so. I think he found me, and then the character came from knowing that I was going to be around.
You came on board after the pilot, and the general consensus seems to be that the pilot was the least successful episode, because it's so heavily based on the original. Was that sort of the general feeling in the writers' room when you arrived?
Mindy Kaling: I think there was a feeling that that had the least creativity going into it, and more just kind of transcribing and then translating of the original jokes. So, yeah, there was that sense.
Was the decision already made that you had to make some pretty big moves away from the UK version at that point?
Mindy Kaling: I think Greg had known that he wanted to do that. And then "Diversity Day" came out, and that seemed to be so different, and that sort of set the tone for the rest of the first season.
That was the first episode where you had a speaking part, right?
Mindy Kaling: Yes.
How did that come about?
Mindy Kaling: It's funny, I got in trouble when I gave an interview with a kind of not-accurate description, and Greg thinks he sounds kind of racist or something, for saying he needed a minority to slap Steve, and he picked me. But I think there needed to be, at some point, because in that episode, [Steve Carell's character] Michael Scott does his own version of Diversity Day, and it goes terribly wrong. The culminating point is, he needs to get slapped across the face, and Greg wanted a kind of shy character that you didn't know much about, except that she was ethnic, to kind of wander in, really pissed off. I'm actually characterizing this the exactly same way, just longer and in more flowery language. But yeah, it was last-minute. [Writer-actor] B.J. Novak had already turned in the script, and then that was a change that Greg made, to make it be this big slap. There weren't that many female characters on the show, so he just let me do it.
It all seems out of character for Kelly now.
Mindy Kaling: Yeah, it seems weird now. So much in that first season seems so different than how she is now—the way she dresses, and everything else. The way I dressed that first season, you would have maybe assumed that English was not my first language, and that I was 63 years old. I don't think that would have been too far off.
What would you assume, looking at Kelly now?
Mindy Kaling: A chubby Paris Hilton-y aesthetic is what she's going for now, I think.
How much input do you have into the wardrobe?
Mindy Kaling: Not that much. They have their own thing going. Carey Bennett, our costume designer, has this incredibly difficult job of making us look like we work in a workplace, but also, the costumes are kind of hilarious. They, in themselves, are kind of jokes. Like, Rainn Wilson's wardrobe is like a fucking routine, it's fucking hilarious when you look at it. So they do their thing, and if it's just a little over the top, then we can say something, but I usually have no complaints.
When do you think Kelly came into her own as a character?
Mindy Kaling: I think in "Valentine's Day," in season two, when she had hooked up with Ryan, and you get to see her. When Jim asked her, "Hey, how are you?" and she goes on for a page and a half of dialogue about what happened to her the day before, I really felt like I had an idea of what Kelly was about.
We were watching an episode the other night with some friends who hadn't seen The Office before, and it was the one where Jim gets moved over by Kelly's desk.
Mindy Kaling: "The Carpet," yeah.
And there's a moment of dialogue there where you just seem to be stringing words together at random. Am I wrong?
Mindy Kaling: That's Paul Lieberstein's episode, where she's, I think, describing her favorite things. That's what it seems like. That's a wonderful bit of monologue that Paul wrote. What's funny is that with Kelly, I feel like we share this one trait, in that scene in particular, which is that when I was a kid, I would always write down lists of my favorite things and keep them in my wallet, just in case someone ever needed to know what my 10 favorite foods were, or my 10 favorite actors. That's sort of like that characteristic of Kelly. Jim is there now, so because they don't know each other all that well, she's just going to list all of her favorite things to him so he can really concisely know everything about her.
As a writer, who are you most enthusiastic about writing for?
Mindy Kaling: I love writing for Pam, because she doesn't get a lot of huge jokes or anything, but she's very passive-aggressive, and I think writing that is very fun. She's also very likeable. I think that's very fun to write. I think everyone will pick their own favorite character to love. Everyone loves writing for Creed and Toby, because Creed can be just non sequiturs, and in a way, it's pretty easy. But I think writing for Michael Scott is pretty amazing. A lot of times, we'll write him too stupid, and some people will be like, "He's not Homer." He wouldn't walk into the NAACP Awards and say something horribly racist. But that is fun to figure out with the other writers. That's the most fun, when we get to dissect just how stupid he is, and so forth. He's fun to group-write. My God, Michael Scott is the most fun to write in a room.
How much backstory do you have, as far as the show's bible goes? It seems like we get little bits of information here and there, each one sadder than the last. Is there a storehouse of Michael Scott facts that you draw on?
Mindy Kaling: No, there isn't, actually, and I think that's kind of deliberate on Greg's part. He has this big thing about not ever specifying
whether characters went to college, because he thinks that the minute you say that someone went to a college—except for Andy Bernard, who went
to Cornell—people can judge the character in different ways. I don't even know if Greg knows all that much about Michael Scott. It's funny, it's
almost the opposite of what I read about J.D. Salinger. He has just volumes and volumes of backstory for the Glass family, and all these other
adventures that they go on, and all their histories. Greg, I don't think he thinks about their histories so much as the possibilities of what they
might do in the future. I don't really know. We talk about Michael's mother a lot, because he seems like the kind of character that would have
some kind of mother issue. But right now, someone could make a convincing argument that he has a hot
mom who was really young when she had him, or you could make the argument that he has 70-year-old parents, and they had him late.
Some of the characters that are a little quieter must be tougher to write for. There are characters on that show we know so well, but only from little tiny details.
Mindy Kaling: There's such a big cast that I think there's often the trap where you're up late, you have to write an episode, and you haven't given Meredith a line, or Stanley a line, and you're not being really careful about it and not artful. Meredith's line will just be, "Well, I'll get my bottle of Jack Daniels." Meredith's a drunk, and to hell with it. I think that you really have to resist that temptation. That's a really multi-cam, crappy way to write, but we've all done it on the show. Greg is really honest about not making our characters just have their one little thing. In my opinion, it's as lame as a catchphrase.
What do you do when you aren't on camera, or on camera but not involved in a scene? You have a blog, right?
Mindy Kaling: Yeah, the shopping blog. Me and a bunch of other comedy writers basically are contributors, but it's my blog. It's called "Things I've Bought That I Love." Actually, I really love shopping. It's one of my big hobbies, and other than that, I'm kind of the big napper of the writing staff. I sleep a lot. Between the blogging and the napping, that's usually what I'm doing when I'm not on camera.
You were asked to write for Saturday Night Live, right? Did you end up doing anything for them? What happened there?
Mindy Kaling: I had auditioned last fall—just before the season started, I came out to audition. They didn't offer me a part, but the audition went pretty well, and that night, they were like, "Do you want to come write for the show?" Greg used to write for SNL, and he had known that being on SNL was my great dream. He said, "Listen. If you get cast on the show, I'll let you break your contract and go do it, but if they ask you to write, I can't, because you have a job writing here, plus you're on the show. So I'm not going to let you leave the show so you can go be in New York." At that time, I missed New York so badly. I hated L.A. for a long time, and I wanted to leave it. I had these fantasies of going to SNL and falling in love with some writer on SNL, of getting married and living in New York. That was really heartbreaking to have to turn down, but then I got to guest-write in the spring.
And that went well?
Mindy Kaling: I really loved it. I only got in one character in one little bit the entire time I was there, but it was such a fun experience.
How is L.A. treating you now?
Mindy Kaling: Now it's great. When you have a little disposable income, L.A. is a really great place to live. I have more friends now too, and a boyfriend. That's definitely made it a little easier.
Did you encounter the usual sort of "East Coast person going to the West Coast" problems?
Mindy Kaling: Yeah, and it's so funny you say it that way, because when you're that person, you are so insufferable, and you have no idea. And I was. One, because I was miserable, and nobody liked to be around a miserable person, and two, everything that I thought was so profound, everyone had already dealt with.
What, for instance?
Mindy Kaling: First, whenever I wanted to talk to anyone on the East Coast, it was way too late. Living three hours behind was one thing I complained about. The other thing, of course, was just that there were no seasons. I would complain about that too. Just tons of complaining, man, early on. I can't believe I'm still friends with the people I was friends with when I first started here.
Is Kelly the first major female Indian-American character on American television?
Mindy Kaling: Parminder Nagra plays a character on ER, I've been told, but I've never seen it.
Is that show still actually on the air?
Mindy Kaling: I haven't seen ER in about 10 years, but there's something about ER that I like, which I kind of hope happens with The Office, which is the way that the characters are recycled out and new characters came on. At the beginning, no one cared about the Noah Wyle character, but by season eight, he was a huge star on the show. I feel like that's what we can do with The Office. As John Krasinski goes on to do Ocean's 15 or whatever he's going to star in, we can cycle in some interesting new young actors, and a new boss. My dream is that when Steve leaves the show, we could have Amy Poehler come on as the boss. I think Amy's flawless. I have this fantasy that we'll get this female boss, and at the beginning, she'll seem totally normal and what a relief, and then we'll find out that there's lots of different horrible, crazy kinds of bosses. Or Kathy Bates or something. How funny would that be?
So there's a real possibility of major characters leaving, then? Is that something you guys have planned on, or do you have contingency plans in case that happens?
Mindy Kaling: This is just the way we'll talk about it idly. Our cast is so talented right now, they're so good that I can't imagine after their contracts are up, they're going to do this for years and years. If the show does well, it would be great if it went on for years and years.
Well, all the guys want to have sex with me all the time. Every day I come to work it`s nonstop sexual harassment. They had to have some people from General Electric come down and talk to us about it. There`s a lawsuit that`s about to happen. But other than that, it`s been great. - on being one of only 2 female writers on a staff of 14 for "The Office" (2005)
“If you defend a girl as ‘really smart when you get to know her,’ she is dumb. What you mean is, she’s ‘really smart for a smokin’-hot girl who is stupid.’”—The Office‘s Mindy Kaling (Kelly Kapoor) in Esquire‘s “Ten Things You Don’t Know About Women”
From Deedle-Dee Productions, Reveille and Universal Media Studios comes the hilarious documentary-style look into the humorous and sometimes poignant foolishness that plagues the world of 9-to-5 in the half-hour comedy "The Office," based on the award-winning BBC hit. Since its premiere on NBC in March 2005, "The Office" has established itself as a genuine hit, earning prestigious television honors such as the 2006 Emmy Award for Outstanding Comedy Series, 2006 Peabody Award, 2006 AFI Honor, Producers Guild Award, Writers Guild Award, SAG Award for Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy, Ace Eddie Award for editing and a Television Critic's Association Award for Outstanding Achievement in Comedy.
A fly-on-the-wall "docu-reality" parody about modern American office life, "The Office" delves into the lives of the workers at Dunder Mifflin paper supply company in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Regional manager Michael Scott (Golden Globe winner and Emmy nominee Steve Carell, "Get Smart," "Little Miss Sunshine") is a single, middle-aged man who is the boastful tour guide for the documentary.
With unshaken enthusiasm, Michael believes he is the office funnyman, a fountain of business wisdom and his employees' cool friend. He has no clue that his employees tolerate his inappropriate behavior only because he signs their paychecks. Painstakingly trying to be liked and to look cool, Michael comes off alternately absurd and pathetic. His prize possession is his "World's Greatest Boss" mug -- which he had to buy for himself.
Pam Beesly (Jenna Fischer, "Walk Hard," "Blades of Glory") is the reasonable and friendly office receptionist who bears the brunt of Michael's routines. The bright spots in Pam's day are her conversations with Jim Halpert (John Krasinski, "Leatherheads" "The Holiday"), a likable sales rep with a good sense of humor who should have found a better job years ago, but is too comfortable with his office mates and routine to leave.
Jim shares his working space with Dwight Schrute (Rainn Wilson, "The Rocker," "The Last Mimzy"), the arrogant assistant to the regional manager. Dwight is intensely irritating to normal people while Jim spends a lot of time finding new, interesting ways to drive Dwight crazy.
Ryan Howard (B.J. Novak, "Punk'd") is the young, smart, former temp, who quickly figured out the real office politics despite Michael's attempts to instill the official point-of-view.
Also starring are Melora Hardin ("Monk") as Jan Levenson, Ed Helms ("The Daily Show with Jon Stewart") as Andy Bernard, Leslie David Baker ("Malcolm in the Middle") as Stanley Hudson, Brian Baumgartner ("Arrested Development") as Kevin Malone, Kate Flannery ("The Heir Apparent") as Meredith Palmer, Mindy Kaling ("The 40-Year-Old Virgin") as Kelly Kapoor, Angela Kinsey ("Tripping Forward") as Angela Martin, Paul Lieberstein (writer, "King of the Hill") as Toby Flenderson, Oscar Nuñez ("Halfway Home") as Oscar Martinez, Phyllis Smith ("Arrested Development") as Phyllis Lapin, Creed Bratton (former member of The Grass Roots) as Creed Bratton and Craig Robinson ("Curb Your Enthusiasm") as Darryl Philbin.
"The Office" is executive-produced by Ben Silverman, Greg Daniels, who developed the series for American audiences, Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant, Howard Klein and Paul Lieberstein.
The Office (U.S. TV series)
Genre: Comedy, Mockumentary, Satire
Created by: Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant (original British series)
Developed by: Greg Daniels
Starring: Steve Carell, Rainn Wilson, John Krasinski, Jenna Fischer, B. J. Novak, Ed Helms, Oscar Nunez, Brian Baumgartner, Angela Kinsey, Leslie
David Baker, Phyllis Smith, Mindy Kaling, Paul Lieberstein, Creed Bratton, Kate Flannery, Craig Robinson
Opening theme: written by Jay Ferguson
Country of origin: United States
No. of seasons: 5
No. of episodes: 93
Production
Running time: approx. 21 min. (normal episodes) / 28 min. ("super-sized" episodes) / 42 min. (hour-long episodes)
Broadcast
Original channel: NBC (USA)
Picture format: 480i (SDTV), 1080i (HDTV)
Audio format: Dolby Digital
Original run: March 24, 2005 – present
The Office is an American mockumentary airing on NBC and developed by Greg Daniels. It is an American adaptation of the BBC series The Office and depicts the everyday lives of office employees in the Scranton, Pennsylvania branch of the fictional Dunder Mifflin Paper Company. The Office is shot in a single-camera setup, without a studio audience or a laugh track, and is made in the form of a documentary. Although fictional and scripted, the presence of the camera is openly acknowledged by the series' characters.
The Office was adapted for American audiences by executive producer Greg Daniels, a veteran writer for Saturday Night Live, King of the Hill, Rugrats and The Simpsons. Original series creators Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant, who wrote "The Convict" episode, have production credits. It is co-produced by Greg Daniels' Deedle-Dee Productions and Reveille Productions, in association with NBC Universal Television Studios. The show debuted on NBC as a midseason replacement on March 24, 2005, replacing the sitcom Committed.
US Air times
On NBC Thursday at 9pm eastern / pacific time
Repeats on TBS Tuesdays at 10pm and 10:30pm eastern / pacific time
Production
The British television series, The Office, was made for the BBC by Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant. The show enjoyed significant success at home and abroad, and won two Golden Globes.[3] NBC therefore commissioned a U.S. version.[4]
Writers
Writing staff of The Office at October 2007 convention in Scranton.
Greg Daniels initially hired four writers for the series: Michael Schur,[5] B.J. Novak, Paul Lieberstein[6] and Mindy Kaling.[7] He hired two consulting producers, Lester Lewis[8] and Larry Wilmore.[9]
In the second season, Jennifer Celotta[10] and the team of Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg joined the writing staff.[11] Steve Carell wrote the season's finale, "Casino Night".[12] In the third season, original series creators Gervais and Merchant wrote "The Convict" and veteran television comedy writer Brent Forrester began writing for the show.[13] Carell returned to writing again with "Survivor Man"[14] in the fourth season, and Lester Lewis contributed an episode then as well.[15]
Other writers: Charlie Grandy, Justin Spitzer , Veda Semarne , Anthony Q. Farrell (Story Editor)[3], Ryan Koh[4]
Casting
All original series characters were adapted for the U.S. version. The Casting Directors are Allison Jones (Curb Your Enthusiasm, Borat, The 40 Year Old Virgin, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, The Golden Girls) 52 Credits and Marla Garlin (I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With, Arlington Road, Gotta Kick It Up!, Maybe It's Me, The Jeff Garlin Program, The Comeback, St. Sass, Ripe Tomatoes)
NBC programmer Kevin Reilly suggested Paul Giamatti to producer Ben Silverman for the role of Michael Scott, but the actor declined. Martin Short, Hank Azaria and Bob Odenkirk were also reported to be interested.[16] In January 2004, Variety reported Steve Carell of the popular Comedy Central program The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, was in talks to play the role. At the time, he was already committed to another NBC midseason replacement comedy, Come to Papa,[17] but the series was quickly cancelled, leaving him fully committed to The Office. Carell later stated he had only seen about half of the original pilot episode of the British series before he auditioned. He did not continue watching for fear that he would start copying Gervais' characterizations.[18]
Rainn Wilson, who was cast as the power-hungry sycophant Dwight Schrute, had watched every episode of the series before he auditioned.[19] Wilson had originally auditioned for Michael, a performance he described as a "terrible [Ricky] Gervais impersonation"; however, the casting directors liked his audition as Dwight much more and hired him for the role.
John Krasinski and Jenna Fischer were virtual unknowns before being cast in their respective roles as Jim and Pam, the central love interests. Krasinski recalled accidentally insulting Daniels while waiting to audition for the series, telling him, "I hope they [the show's developers] don't screw this up." Daniels then introduced himself and told Krasinski who he was.[20] Fischer prepared for her audition by looking as boring as possible, creating the original Pam hairstyle.[21] In an interview on NPR's Fresh Air , Fischer recalled the last stages of the audition process for Pam and Jim, with the producers partnering the different potential Pams and Jims (four of each) together to gauge their chemistry. When Fischer finished her scene with Krasinski, he told her that she was his favorite Pam, to which she reciprocated that he was her favorite Jim.[22]
The supporting cast includes actors known for their improv work: Angela Kinsey, Kate Flannery, Oscar Nunez, Leslie David Baker, Brian Baumgartner, Melora Hardin, and David Denman.[23] Kinsey had originally auditioned for Pam. The producers thought she was "too feisty" for the character, but they called her back for the part of Angela Martin, which she won.[24] Flannery first auditioned for the part of Jan Levinson-Gould, before landing the role of Meredith Palmer.[25] Baumgartner originally auditioned for Stanley, but was eventually cast as Kevin.[26] Ken Kwapis liked the way Phyllis Smith, a casting associate, read with other actors auditioning so much that he cast her as Phyllis.[27] At the beginning of the third season, Ed Helms and Rashida Jones joined the cast as members of Dunder Mifflin Stamford. While Jones would later leave the cast for a recurring role, in February 2007 NBC announced that Helms was being promoted to a series regular.[28]
Four of the show's writers have also stepped in front of the camera. Novak was cast as reluctant temp Ryan Howard after Daniels saw his stand-up act. Paul Lieberstein was cast as human resources director Toby Flenderson on Novak's suggestion after his cold readings of scripts.[23] Greg Daniels originally was not sure where to use the Indian American Kaling on-screen in the series until the opportunity came in the second episode's script where Michael needed to be slapped by a minority. "Since (that slap), I've been on the show" (as Kelly Kapoor), says Kaling.[27] Schur has also made occasional appearances as Dwight's cousin Mose, and consulting producer Wilmore has played diversity trainer Mr. Brown. Plans were made for Mackenzie Crook, Martin Freeman, and Lucy Davis from the British version of The Office to appear in the third season,[29][30] but those plans were scrapped due to scheduling conflicts.[31]
Directors
Ken Kwapis, a veteran of The Larry Sanders Show and Malcolm in the Middle, directed the pilot[32] and eight other episodes.[11][33][12][34] Daniels, Ken Whittingham,[6] Amy Heckerling,[7] and Bryan Gordon[5] also began directing the show in the first season.
Paul Feig, creator of Freaks and Geeks, directed four second season episodes, and three fourth season episodes. He is currently scheduled to direct another episode. In the third and fourth seasons, directors known for their work on other series and in other media, such as J.J. Abrams, Harold Ramis, Jason Reitman, and Joss Whedon helmed episodes. The fourth season's "Money" marked Lieberstein's directorial debut.
Ken Kwapis
Greg Daniels
Paul Feig
Ken Whittingham (7 episodes, 2005-2008)
Randall Einhorn (6 episodes, 2006-2009)
Jeffrey Blitz (5 episodes, 2006-2009)
Charles McDougall (3 episodes, 2005-2006)
Tucker Gates (3 episodes, 2006-2008)
Harold Ramis (3 episodes, 2006-2007)
Bryan Gordon (2 episodes, 2005-2006)
Dennie Gordon (2 episodes, 2006)
Victor Nelli Jr. (2 episodes, 2006)
Jason Reitman (2 episodes, 2007-2008)
Julian Farino (2 episodes, 2007)
Joss Whedon
Richard Gonzales
Jasmine Alhambra
Melissa V. Barnes
Kelly Cantley
Nina Jack
Rusty Mahmood
Liz Ryan
Greg Hale
Ross Novie
Erin Rutland
Richard J. Levin
Alicia Cho
Jennie O'Keefe
Grace Liu
Tena Psyche Yatroussis
Sharon Swab
Kyle Hollingsworth (I Love You, Beth Cooper, The Kings of Appletown, Race to Witch Mountain, ER, Medium, Chuck)
Improvisation
A complete script is written for each episode of The Office; however, actors are given opportunities to improvise during the shooting process. "Our shows are 100 percent scripted," Fischer explained. "They put everything down on paper. But we get to play around a little bit, too. Steve and Rainn are brilliant improvisers."[35]
The kiss Michael planted on Oscar in the third season episode "Gay Witch Hunt" was improvised. "Steve just went into that bit on the fly," Fischer wrote. "Those looks of shock/giddiness/confusion on our faces are real. We were all on the edge of our seats wondering what would happen next. I can't believe we held it together for as long as we did. I'm not sure we've ever laughed so hard on set."[36]
Format
The Office is presented as a mockumentary. The primary vehicle for the show is that a camera crew has decided to film Dunder Mifflin and its employees,
seemingly around the clock. The presence of the camera is acknowledged by the characters, especially Michael Scott, who enthusiastically participates
in the filming. Others, for example Jan Levinson, are frequently annoyed or uncomfortable at its presence. The main action of the show is supplemented
with talking-head interviews or "confessionals," with the characters speaking one on one with the camera crew about the day's events.
Sometimes two characters share an interview, speaking with each other and the camera at the same time. This occurs most notably with Jim and Pam,
or, occasionally, Oscar and Kevin or Kelly and Ryan, and once, Michael and Toby. Some characters use the camera's presence to their advantage.
For example, in "Christmas Party", Phyllis's boyfriend Bob Vance introduces himself
repeatedly as "Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration" to garner publicity for his business. In other instances, the camera has affected plot lines.
In "The Dundies", a drunken Pam nearly confesses something to Jim, but shies away when she realizes the camera is still there. In "E-mail
Surveillance", Pam asks the crew to help her look for evidence of Dwight and Angela's secret relationship, which they later provide. In "Fun
Run", the cameras catch Jim and Pam kissing, which leads to them admitting to the crew that they are in fact dating.
In early episodes, the camera crews seemed confined primarily to the office setting, but as the show has expanded to include more about the characters'
personal lives, the cameras have taken on an often-omnipresent, even intrusive persona. Characters are often followed out of the office and sometimes
even to their homes. The cameras were present at Jim's barbecue and Michael's dinner party, and even when Jim and Pam left for a weekend getaway
(although the trip was to Dwight's beet farm) - all arguably personal, not work-related, events. Behind-doors conversations are often filmed through
a window or crack in the door. It is shown in "The Injury" that Michael is wearing a wireless lavalier microphone, which could explain
why the cameras are often able to hear closed-door conversations. The cameras have caught Jan kissing Michael in "Valentine's Day", much
to Jan's chagrin, and, as mentioned above, revealed both Dwight and Angela's and Jim and Pam's
personal relationships. Non-primary characters or extras who encounter the camera crew are usually unsurprised or unaffected by it, and the cameras were
even allowed into Michael, Jim, and Karen's job interviews for a corporate position.
Deleted scenes
On The Office, deleted scenes are considered part of the show's canon and story line, and have sometimes been restored in repeats to make episodes longer or draw people who have seen the episode before back to see the bonus footage. Half of season 4 had to be canceled due to the 2007-2008 Writers Guild of America strike, but the writers considered their planned episodes to have actually happened. References to what occurred are made throughout aired episodes even though the viewer never saw the footage on screen.
In an experiment, a deleted scene from "The Return" was made available over nbc.com and iTunes that explained the absence of a character over the next several episodes. Daniels hoped that word of mouth among fans would spread the information, but eventually considered the experiment a failure.[37] The missing scene was restored in later airings. Director's cuts of episodes with extra footage have also appeared on NBC's online video venture Hulu recently.
Deleted scenes have become a staple of the series DVD releases.
Product placement
The Office has had product placement deals with Staples[38] and the Olympic baler,[39] as well as mentioning in dialogue or displaying clear logos
for products such as Sandals Resorts, HP, Apple, and Gateway computers, and Activision's Call of Duty video game. In "The Merger", Kevin
Malone uses a Staples-branded shredding machine to shred a Staples-branded CD-R and many other non-paper items, including a salad.[38] As with
HP, Cisco Systems, a supplier of networking and telephone equipment, pays for product placement, which can be seen on close up shots of the Cisco
IP Telephones.[40] In the Season two episode "The Secret" Michael takes Jim to Hooters[41] to discuss Jim's feelings for Pam. In another
episode: "The Merger" Angela refers to Hooters as a strip club, causing Michael to defend Hooters as a family place, and inform the camera
of how many chains there are worldwide. The tech help-desk Geek Squad's logo has also appeared (logo on the wall of
Toby's cubicle and a toy of the Geek Squad Volkswagen car atop a filing cabinet, in "Michael's Birthday" and "Drug Testing", respectively),
though it is unclear whether they paid for this placement.
Many products featured are not part of product placement agreements, but rather inserted by writers as products the characters would use, to create
realism under the guise of a documentary. Apple, Inc. received over four minutes of publicity for the iPod when it was used as a much-desired gift
in "Christmas Party", though the company did not pay for the placement.[42] The Apple laptop MacBook Pro is also used in the season premiere
of season five where Jim uses one to video chat with Pam while in the office. Apple computers are also featured during Pam's first class, in which
she is not supposed to be. Pam also discusses with Jim that she can't learn and doesn't understand Flash, a popular animation program by software
giant Adobe Systems. In "Local Ad" Adobe Premiere can be seen on Michael's computer while he is editing his commercial. Photoshop is
also mentioned in accordance with Pam's interest with graphic design. Chili's[43] restaurants were used
for filming in "The Dundies" and "The Client", as the writers believed they were realistic choices for a company party and business
lunch.[44][45] Though not an explicit product placement, the producers of the show had to allow Chili's to have final approval of the script before filming,
causing a scene of "The Dundies" to be hastily rewritten when the chain objected to the original version.[44]
The Pennsylvania Paper & Supply Company tower, shown during the opening credits.
The appearance of Second Life in the episode "Local Ad" was rated eighth in the top ten most effective product placements of 2007. The
Office was the only non-reality show to make the list, and Second Life was the only product on the list that did not pay for its placement.[46]
Theme song and title sequence
The theme song for The Office was written by Jay Ferguson and performed by The Scrantones.[47] It is played over the title sequence, which features
some Scranton scenes and everyday office tasks being performed by the cast, with the cast and production credits. Some episodes of the series use
a shortened version of the theme song. Starting with the fourth season, the theme song is played over the closing credits, which previously rolled
in silence. Originally the theme song began each episode; however, starting early in the second season with the episode "Office Olympics",
most episodes have begun with a cold open followed by the theme. The exteriors of buildings in the title sequence are actual buildings in Scranton,
Pennsylvania, and were shot by cast member John Krasinski.[48] In the pilot episode, the theme song starts out differently than it does in the
later episodes. The title sequence for the Season 5 episode "Stress Relief", which aired after
the Super Bowl, included new footage and added most of the ensemble cast. However, subsequent episodes feature a shorter version of the original sequence.
Setting
The British version had been set in Slough, a commuter town on the outskirts of London. Looking for a suitable U.S. equivalent, Executive Producer
Greg Daniels considered Nashua, New Hampshire and Utica, New York before settling on Scranton, Pennsylvania. "It just seemed like a real place," he
said later. "[B]y definition the town we picked wouldn't have a lot of glitzy stuff going on."[48] It was just far enough away from New
York to be credible as a location for a regional branch office. Daniels also recalled that the Paper Magic line of greeting cards was made in the
city.[49] When asked before the premiere what differences there might be from the British version, Gervais joked that the American actors would
have better teeth.[50] Nashua and Utica were later adopted as the locations of other Dunder-Mifflin branches.
Scranton welcome sign from opening credits, now displayed in the food court of the Mall at Steamtown.
All filming is done in the Greater Los Angeles area, but the show makes many references to actual places and businesses in and near Scranton, such as the Mall at Steamtown, Lake Wallenpaupack, Abe's Deli, and the Lackawanna County Coal Mine Tour. Dwight's "Froggy 101" bumper sticker is from local country station WGGY. "We went toward embracing the whole Scranton-ness of the setting," said Daniels.[48] When outdoor scenes are set to occur during the winter months cars will be prepped with fake salt grime to give the illusion of a Scranton winter.
Filming locations
The show's first season had a run of just six episodes, and was filmed on location in an actual office.[44] For the second season, since NBC ordered a full run of episodes, filming moved to a sound stage at Valley Center Studios in Van Nuys, built to replicate the first season's environment,[44] including plaques and certificates hanging on walls using the names of crew members.[51]
Music
In keeping with its mockumentary format, the show has no laugh track. All music must be diegetic, with songs either sung or played by the characters or heard on radios, computers or other devices. In "The Dundies" episode however, Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" is played just before and also alongside the closing credits. Also, in the episode "Dinner Party", the song written by Jan's old assistant Hunter titled "That One Night", which was played at the dinner party, is played near the end of the episode as different characters drive home from Michael's house. It starts out being played in Jim's car while he and Pam eat, but then continues as Michael and Dwight drive down the road. Featured music tends to be well known, and often older, popular songs in order to reflect the character, such as Michael's attempt to seem hip by using "Mambo No. 5" and later "My Humps" as cellular phone ringtones.[52]
Characters
The Office employs an ensemble cast. All of the main characters, and some minor ones, are based on characters from the British version of The Office.
Michael Scott, the, now former, head of the Scranton branch of the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company, feels he is the life of the office; his employees
feel otherwise. His assistant manager, sales representative Jim Halpert is dating the office receptionist, Pam Beesly, and finally asks her to
marry him, which she happily accepts. Their relationship comes after three seasons of friendship laced with romantic tension. Dwight Schrute, the
assistant "to the" regional manager, is an award-winning salesman and former Lackawanna County volunteer reserve deputy sheriff known
for his authoritarian personality and science fiction fandom. There is an ongoing rivalry between Jim and Dwight, whose differing personalities
often cause them to be at odds with each other. Ryan Howard, who started out as a temporary worker in the Scranton office, was later promoted to
Dunder Mifflin's Vice President for Regional Sales, which would make him Michael's boss, until his treachery
is exposed for corporate fraud and he's fired, ending up again as the temporary worker at the Scranton branch.
The accounting department features the uptight Angela Martin, who wishes to keep things orderly and make sure situations remain as serious as
possible, including her previous secret affair with Dwight; Kevin Malone, a sardonic, overweight man who revels in juvenile humor and is addicted
to gambling and M&Ms; and the patient Oscar Martinez, whose homosexuality, timidity, and Mexican American heritage make him a favorite target
for Michael's off-hand comments. Rounding out the office are the stern salesman Stanley Hudson, who barely stands for Michael's constant references
to his African-American heritage; Cornell alum, anger-management grad and Angela's former fiancé Andy Bernard, formerly of the Stamford, Connecticut
branch office; former Woodstocker, and all-around rule-breaker quality-assurance Creed Bratton; the timid saleswoman Phyllis Lapin Vance; the bubbly
and talkative customer service representative Kelly Kapoor; the depressed, alcoholic single
mother supply relations representative Meredith Palmer; and frequent target of Michael's abuse, human resources representative Toby Flenderson. A story
arc at the start of the fifth season has Holly Flax transferred to the office as Toby's replacement. She acts as a love interest for Michael, as they
share very similar personalities. However, Holly is transferred away after corporate discovers that Michael and Holly are involved, resulting in their
break up. Outside the office, there is Michael's former love interest Jan Levinson, who previously held the position of Vice President for Regional Sales.
Season synopses
A typical episode for a half-hour time slot runs 20½ minutes.[53] The final episode of the second season introduced the first of what would be several "super-sized" episodes (approximately 29-minute running time for a 40-minute time slot). The third season introduced the first of occasional hour-long episodes (approximately 41-minute running time; suitable for being shown as two separate normal episodes).
Season one
The first season featured six episodes that began airing on March 24, 2005 and finished on April 26, 2005.
The series begins by introducing the office and its employees via a tour given by Michael Scott for both the camera crew and Ryan Howard, a temp on his first day.[32] News soon spreads that Dunder Mifflin's corporate headquarters plan to downsize, and the Scranton branch faces a possible closure. Employee benefits are slashed, including health care.[6] Anxiety over downsizing grows, but Michael chooses to deny or downplay such a possibility in the interest of employee morale. Jim has a crush on Pam, his partner in crime when planning pranks against office mate Dwight, even though she has been engaged to Roy from the warehouse for three years. In the final episode of the season, to Pam's subtle concern, Jim begins dating Katy, a purse saleswoman who visits and sets up shop briefly in the office.[7]
Season two
The second season was the first full season for the show and included twenty-two episodes. The season premiere originally aired on September 20, 2005, and the season finale on May 11, 2006. First season plots continued and new plots emerged, as well as development in most secondary characters who were left to the background in season one. The fate of the Scranton branch remained unresolved, but it did not seem to be doing well in comparison with the other branches, particularly the Stamford branch.
Over the season, romantic relationships develop between some of the characters. Jim's relationship with Katy continues, to Pam's chagrin. Michael and Jan have a one-night stand in the wake of Jan's divorce.[54] This is revealed to the company by one of the other regional managers who is angry with Michael.[55] He drifts into a relationship with Carol, the realtor who sells him his new condominium.[56] Dwight and Angela become involved after a nighttime tryst in Jim's backyard following a party.[10] They keep the relationship a secret from everyone else. Kelly develops a crush on Ryan. The audience also learns that Oscar is gay although Dwight fails to realize this when he sees Oscar and his partner together.
Dwight resigns his position as a volunteer reserve deputy sheriff.[57] In Booze Cruise, Jim finally decides to reveal his feelings to Pam, but is seconds too late when Roy publicly announces he's ready to set their wedding date. Jim tells her he could not attend since he would (deliberately) be on vacation in Australia at that time.[33] He opens talks with Jan about transferring to Stamford, but has some unfinished business to attend to before deciding, finally telling Pam in the finale, that he loves her and then kisses her.[12]
The Accountants
Between seasons two and three in 2006, NBC released "The Accountants", ten short webisodes starring the trio of accountants, Angela, Oscar, and Kevin. The webisodes involve the group investigating a $3,000 discrepancy in the accounting books, where they interview many of the other employees in the office, finally leading them to believe that Michael took the money. But in the final webisode, the group ultimately discovers that the source of the missing money was an accounting mistake on Angela's part, who originally had firmly denied such a possibility. The webisodes are included as extras in the season two DVD collection.[58]
Season three
The third season had 25 episodes, consisting of 17 half-hour episodes, four 40-minute "super-sized" episodes, and two one-hour episodes. They originally aired from September 21, 2006 to May 17, 2007.
Jim has transferred to the Stamford branch, where he takes over as assistant regional manager. He develops a relationship with coworker Karen Filippelli, and a workplace rival in Andy Bernard, who wanted his job. He is content, but misses his former coworkers. Back in Scranton, Pam has canceled the wedding and called off her engagement to Roy. Ryan has now been hired as a full-time sales representative. Carol breaks up with Michael, leading him eventually to return to Jan. Oscar is outed inadvertently by Michael, leading Jan to offer him a three-month paid vacation and a company car so he won't sue. He takes it and is gone for half the season. Dwight and Angela continue their relationship and keep it a secret from most of their coworkers.
Corporate finally decides to close down the Scranton branch. But those plans are changed when the head of the Stamford branch, Josh Porter, who was to take a job similar to Jan's while Jim would head the enlarged Stamford office, tells Jan he will be leaving for a senior management position at Staples, a major competitor to Dunder Mifflin.[59] Instead, the Stamford branch is shut down and its employees merged into Scranton, where Pam and Jim are reunited. Michael's management style eventually leads all the employees merged from Stamford to quit except for Karen, Andy, and Jim. Pam tries to be honest with Roy about her past with Jim and tells him they kissed, which leads to Roy trashing the bar they are in. She tells him it's over. Roy shows up at the office and attacks Jim out of jealousy. After being sprayed in the face with mace by Dwight, he is fired.
Jan and Michael's relationship becomes public after he inadvertently emails a picture he took of her on the beach in Jamaica to Darryl. Phyllis becomes engaged to, and eventually marries Bob Vance, owner of neighboring Vance Refrigeration. She takes a six-week honeymoon afterwards.[60] Andy is provoked to anger after a prank played on him by Jim and Pam and punches a wall. He is subsequently sent off to anger management training, precipitating a long absence of his character from the show.[61] Michael, after learning he is being considered for a corporate job, tries to pick his replacement through a series of Survivor-like challenges at a trip to the beach. Pam, not included in the games and feeling small, depressed, and left out, finally builds her courage and makes a speech to everyone, telling Jim she called off the wedding because of him.
In the season's finale, Jim, Karen, and Michael are interviewing for the position at corporate that turns out to be Jan's. When she confronts her superiors about this, they explain that her increasingly erratic behavior is interfering with her job and fire her on the spot. Jim ultimately decides he does not want the corporate job. He drives back to Scranton without Karen and asks Pam out on a date, and she joyfully accepts. In the final scene, we learn Ryan has gotten Jan's job.[34]
Season four
NBC ordered a full fourth season[62] consisting of 30 episodes. After 12 episodes were filmed, production was suspended due to the 2007–2008 writers' strike.[63] Post-strike episodes began airing April 10. This truncated season contained only 19 episodes.[64]
Karen has left due to losing Jim to Pam. She becomes regional manager at the Utica branch.[65] Pam and Jim date happily.[66] Jan moves in with Michael, who takes a second job in telemarketing due to his deepening financial problems.[67] Angela and Dwight break up after he kills her sick cat by freezing it to death.[68] She begins dating Andy as Dwight licks his wounds. Dwight finds escape by spending time in the virtual world of Second Life with an avatar paper salesman he created to mirror his real life (except that he can fly).[69]
Meredith spends time convalescing and rehabilitating after Michael hits her with his car in the parking lot.[68] Ryan, in his new role, attempts to modernize Dunder Mifflin's way of doing business with a new ad campaign and website. Kelly finally moves on from her relationship with Ryan to date Darryl. Jan files a lawsuit against Dunder Mifflin for wrongful termination, which she loses because of Michael's testimony.[15]
Michael and Jan host a disastrous dinner party, which ultimately ends in Michael leaving Jan. Jim reveals his plans to propose to Pam. In New York, Michael and Dwight visit Ryan, who has developed a drug problem. Ryan attempts to sabotage Jim's career when he learns that David Wallace, his boss likes Jim. But Ryan is revealed to have committed fraud, arrested and will presumably be fired. Toby, after revealing his affection for Pam, announces he is leaving for Costa Rica. A replacement HR Rep, Holly Flax, is hired and quickly shows fondness towards Michael. Michael and Holly's pending romance is cut short when Jan returns, pregnant from a sperm donor; Michael agrees to help her through the pregnancy. In the season finale, Jim is about to propose to Pam, but Andy interrupts with his public proposal to Angela, who reluctantly agrees. She is later caught having sex with Dwight in the office.[70]
Kevin's Loan
Between the fourth and fifth seasons, the summer webisode series "Kevin's Loan" was released in four weekly episodes, the first premiering on July 10.[71] The webisodes follow Kevin, Oscar, and Darryl. In the story, Kevin attempts to repay his gambling debts by taking out a loan, which he intends to say is for starting an ice cream business. Although Oscar attempts to dissuade him, Kevin goes through with his plan which inevitably fails, even with Darryl's help.
Season five
NBC ordered a fifth season consisting of 28 episodes on April 10, 2008,[72] with a 29th episode announced in January 2009.[73] NBC also announced that Greg Daniels and the producers would be creating a spin-off series to air after NBC Super Bowl XLIII coverage in early 2009, but in August 2008 decided that a special hour-long episode of The Office would be shown instead of the spin-off during that time slot.[74] The episode followed NBC's first Super Bowl in 11 years; According to Ricky Gervais's blog, Steve Carell has signed on for three more seasons of The Office.[75][76] Season 5 premiered on September 25, 2008 from 9:00-10:00 P.M. EST.[77]
Jim finally proposes to Pam in the season premiere, which she happily accepts; however, she enrolls in a three-month graphic design course at the Pratt Institute in New York, and the physical separation puts a strain on their relationship. She ultimately returns to Scranton where Jim buys his parents' house for the couple.
Having avoided jail and only sentenced to community service, Ryan returns to Dunder Mifflin where he started as a temporary worker, but he vows to return to the top some day. Ryan also briefly resumes his relationship with Kelly before he borrows money from her to go on a trip with some friends to Thailand.
Michael and Holly's friendship blossoms into romance, despite Jan's desire to keep them apart, and in part because of her choice to exclude Michael from the birth of her daughter. They part ways when Holly is transferred back to the Nashua branch after corporate finds out about their relationship. To Michael's displeasure, Toby returns from Costa Rica and resumes his duties as Scranton's HR representative.
Dwight and Angela maintain an affair despite her engagement to Andy. When the affair becomes public knowledge, Andy and Dwight duel. Upon learning Angela had slept with them both, Andy cancels the wedding and Dwight breaks off the affair.
Michael attracts praise for both individual and branch success in tough economic times, but he increasingly questions Corporate's business practices. Charles Minor, a new hire who has filled the Vice President position vacated by Ryan, is overseeing the Northeast branches, including Scranton. But Minor's rigid managerial style clash with Michael's laid back approach, leading Michael to resign. In an attempt to open his own paper company, Michael entices Pam to join his new venture as a saleswoman.
On January 26, 2009, E!'s Live from the Red Carpet at the SAG awards aired. B.J. Novak explained to an E! correspondent that Ryan will have a drastic change in appearance later in the season. No further detail was given, but he stated that he is making changes to his own body for the plot of the show.
The Outburst
During the fifth season, the winter webisode series "The Outburst" was released in weekly episodes, the first premiering on November 20.[78] Oscar is overheard angrily yelling at someone on the phone; Kevin, Angela, Andy, Phyllis, Kelly, Creed, Meredith, and Toby all investigate the mysterious call.
Response
Before the show aired, Gervais acknowledged that there were feelings of hesitation from certain viewers. "I think people are always gonna be wary of a remake—it's a tradition," he said. "But this remake is aimed at the 249 million Americans who didn't see the original TV show. There's not gonna be many Texas farmhands going, 'Eccch, not another version. I can't believe it.'"[79]
Critical reviews and commentary
Before its first airing, the New York Daily News called it "so diluted there's little left but muddy water", and USA Today called it a "passable imitation of a miles-better BBC original".[80] A Guardian Unlimited review panned its lack of originality, stating, "(Steve Carell) just seems to be trying too hard ... Maybe in later episodes when it deviates from Gervais and Merchant's script, he'll come into his own. But right now he's a pale imitation."[81]
Reviews became more positive in the second season. Time magazine remarked, "Producer Greg Daniels created not a copy but an interpretation that sends up distinctly American work conventions ... with a tone that's more satiric and less mordant. ... The new boss is different from the old boss, and that's fine by me."[82] Entertainment Weekly echoed these sentiments a week later, stating, "Thanks to the fearless Steve Carell, an ever-stronger supporting cast, and scripts that spew American corporate absurdist vernacular with perfect pitch, this undervalued remake does the near impossible—it honors Ricky Gervais' original and works on its own terms."[83]
The Onion's A.V. Club expressed its views on the show's progression: "After a rocky start, The Office improved immeasurably, instantly becoming one of TV's funniest, sharpest shows. The casting of Steve Carell in the Gervais role proved to be a masterstroke. The American Office is that rarest of anomalies: a remake of a classic show that both does right by its source and carves out its own strong identity."[84] Time magazine's James Poniewozik named it one of the Top 10 Returning Series of 2007, ranking it at #6.[85] He also included it on his "The 100 Best TV Shows of All-TIME" list.[86]
The show has some superficial similarities to the comic-strip Dilbert, which also features employees coping with an inept superior. John Spector, CEO of The Conference Board, says that both show the impact a leader can have, for good or bad. Dilbert creator Scott Adams also touts the similarities: "The lesson from The Office and from Dilbert is that people are often dysfunctional, and no amount of training can fix it."[87]
There have been political responses to the show. Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter believes the show's popularity arises partly from what he views as a political allegory of the former George W. Bush administration. Michael and Dwight, he says, share much in common with George W. Bush and Dick Cheney respectively, both in appearance and temperament.[88] On an episode of The Daily Show, Republican presidential candidate John McCain, reportedly a devoted fan of the show, jokingly told Jon Stewart he might take Dwight Schrute as his running mate.[89] Rainn Wilson later accepted on Dwight's behalf while on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. A labor-affiliated group praised the episode "Boys and Girls" for what it considered an unusually frank depiction of union busting on American television.[90]
Ratings
Premiering on Thursday, March 24, 2005, after an episode of The Apprentice on NBC, The Office caught the curiosity of 11.2 million viewers in the U.S., winning its time slot.[80] When NBC moved the series to its intended Tuesday night slot, it lost nearly half its audience with only 5.9 million viewers.[91] The program averaged 5.4 million viewers, ranking it #102 for the 2004–2005 U.S. television season.[92] "Hot Girl", the first season's finale, rated a 2.2 with a 10 audience measurement share, the lowest rating in the show's history. Episodes were also rerun on CNBC.[93]
As the second season started, the success of Carell's hit summer movie The 40-Year-Old Virgin and online sales of episodes at iTunes helped the show.[94] The increase in viewership led NBC to move the series to the "Must See TV" Thursday night in January 2006, where ratings continued to grow. By the 2005–2006 season, it placed #2 (tied with 20/20). It averaged 8.0 million viewers with a 10/10 rating, and was up 80% in viewers from the year before and up 60% in viewers ages 18–49.[95]
The third-season premiere received a 9/9 and made a large increase in total viewers and viewers 18–49 over My Name Is Earl.[96] By the end of the 2006–2007 season, it placed #68 (tied with The Biggest Loser 3). It averaged 8.3 million viewers with a 11/11 rating, a large improvement from the previous season.[97] The fourth-season premiere on September 27, 2007 received higher ratings with 9.67 million viewers and a series-high of a 9.7 in the key 18–49 demographic.[98] The season five premiere received was on par with the previous season's premiere, placing 3rd for viewership during its timeslot and 2nd in 18-49 demo.[99]
Cultural effects
The city of Scranton, long known mainly for its industrial past as a coal mining and rail center,[49] has eagerly embraced, and been redefined by the show. "We're really hip now," says the mayor's assistant.[48] The Dunder Mifflin logo is on a lamppost banner in front of Scranton City Hall, as well as the pedestrian bridge to the Mall at Steamtown. The Pennsylvania Paper & Supply Company, whose tower is shown in the opening credits, plans to add it to the tower as well.[106] Newspapers in other Northeastern cities have published travel guides to Scranton locations for tourists interested in visiting places mentioned in the show.[49][106][107]
Scranton has become identified with the show outside the United States as well. In a 2008 St. Patrick's Day speech in its suburb of Dickson City, former Irish Prime Minister Bertie Ahern identified the city as the home of Dunder Mifflin.[108]
The inaugural The Office convention was held downtown in October 2007. Notable landmarks, some of which have been settings for the show, that served as venues include the University of Scranton, the Radisson Lackawanna Station Hotel and Steamtown Mall. Cast appearances were made by B.J. Novak, Ed Helms, Oscar Nunez, Angela Kinsey, Brian Baumgartner, Leslie David Baker, Mindy Kaling, Craig Robinson, Melora Hardin, Phyllis Smith, Creed Bratton, Kate Flannery, Bobby Ray Shafer, and Andy Buckley. Writer appearances, besides Novak and Kaling, were made by Greg Daniels, Michael Schur, Jennifer Celotta, Lee Eisenberg, Gene Stupnitsky, Justin Spitzer, Anthony Ferrell, Ryan Koh, Lester Lewis, and Jason Kessler. Not present were writer-actor Paul Lieberstein (who was originally going to make an appearance), Steve Carell, John Krasinski, Rainn Wilson, and Jenna Fischer.[109]
The phrase that's what she said was re-popularised by the show.
International broadcast
In addition to the United States, The Office is broadcast in Canada, Ireland, the United Kingdom, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Turkey, Portugal, the Asia Pacific region, Brazil, Latin America, Australia, Iceland, New Zealand, South Africa, Spain, Saudi Arabia, the Netherlands, and the Arab World.[citation needed]
In the United Kingdom the show is broadcast as The Office: An American Workplace to differentiate from the British version. Season 2, which has already aired on ITV2 in the United Kingdom, has started repeats on Paramount Comedy 1.[110] In Ireland the show is known as US Office.[111]
In Germany Super RTL began airing the show on 5 January 2008 at 11:10 pm. In Austria ORF 1 began airing the show on 6 March 2008 at 11:10 pm.
In Spain TNT, Paramount Comedy (Spain) and La Sexta[5] are airing the show. In the Netherlands the show began airing on Comedy Central under the
title The Office US in April 2007.[111] In Australia the series was canceled after only two episodes due to poorer ratings than expected,[112]
but it returned to a late Sunday-night time slot on Ten in early 2006; however, this once again would be taken off then returning in 2007 after
Californication. After the first season finale of Californication it was pulled off again but returned when Californication did but has since been
bumped to midnight. Starting in September TV1 on Foxel in Australia began airing The Office every Thursday night at 8:45. In Portugal the show
is broadcast on TVI, in the early morning; the broadcaster was petitioned to reschedule it to a more
viewer-friendly timeslot.[113] In France the show is broadcast late nights on Canal+.[114]In Russia Channel One began airing the show on 14 July 2008
at 00:20 am. In Hungary the series is broadcast by Viasat 3. The show is in the air on TV6 since spring 2008 in Estonia. In Denmark the show ran on DR2
for some months in 2008 before being cancelled. The show's first season ran on the Norwegian channel TV2 in 2007/2008.
Other media
Online releases
Episodes from The Office were among the first television shows available for download from the iTunes Store beginning in December 2005. In 2006, ten internet-exclusive webisodes featuring some of the characters on The Office aired on NBC.com. "Producer's Cuts" (containing approximately ten additional minutes of material) of the episodes "Branch Closing" and "The Return" were also made available on NBC.com. The Office also became available for download from Amazon.com's Unbox video downloads in 2006. Sales of new The Office episodes on iTunes ceased in 2007 due to a dispute between NBC and Apple ostensibly over pricing.[115] As of September 9, 2008 The Office was put back on the iTunes store, and can be bought in HD and Regular format. Netflix also offers the show for online viewing by subscribers, in addition to traditional DVD rental.
Of the 12.4 million total viewings of "Fun Run", the fourth season's premiere, 2.7 million, or 22%, were on a computer via online streaming. "The Office", said The New York Times, "is on the leading edge of a sharp shift in entertainment viewing that was thought to be years away: watching television episodes on a computer screen is now a common activity for millions of consumers." It was particularly popular with online viewers, an NBC researcher said, because as an episode-driven sitcom without special effects it was easy to watch on smaller monitors such as those found on laptops and iPods.[116] Between the online viewings and those who use digital video recorders, 25-50% of the show's viewers watch it after its scheduled airtime.[117]
The show's Internet success became an issue in the 2007–2008 Writers Guild of America strike. Daniels and many of the cast members who double as writers posted a video to YouTube shortly after the strike began, pointing out how little, if any, they received in residuals from online and DVD viewing. "You're watching this on the Internet, a thing that pays us zero dollars," Schur said. "We're supposed to get 11 cents for every two trillion downloads." The writers were particularly upset that they weren't compensated for the Daytime Emmy Award winning summer webisodes "The Accountants", which NBC considered promotional material despite the embedded commercials.[118]
Promotional
The show's success has resulted in expansion outside of television. Characters have appeared in promotional materials for NBC, and a licensed video game—The Office—was released in 2007.[119][120] In 2008 two games were introduced via Pressman Toy Corp: The Office Trivia Board Game and The Office DVD Board Game.[121] Other merchandise, from T-shirts and a bobblehead doll of Dwight Schrute[122] to more office-specific items such as parodies of the Successories motivational poster series featuring the cast,[123] is available. Dunder Mifflin has two websites,[124] and the cast members maintain blogs both as themselves and in character.
Cast blogs
Several members of the cast maintain blogs. Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey are the most active, posting regularly during the season.[125] Rainn Wilson writes in character on "Schrute Space" on NBC.com, which is updated periodically.[126] It is unknown whether Creed Bratton authors "Creed Thoughts", the blog attributed to his character.[127]
Awards
2006 Winner Golden Globe Awards, Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy, Steve Carell[130]
2006 Winner Television Critics Association Awards, Outstanding Achievement in Comedy[131]
2006 Winner Individual Achievement in Comedy, Steve Carell[131]
2006 Winner Emmy Awards, Outstanding Comedy Series[132]
2006 Winner Women's Image Network Awards, Outstanding Comedy Series[133]
2006 Winner Outstanding Female Actress, Jenna Fischer[133]
2006 Nominee, Rose d'Or Awards, Best Sitcom[134]
2007 Winner Screen Actors Guild Awards, Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series[135]
2007 Winner American Cinema Editors – Eddie Award, Best Edited Half Hour Series for Television, Dean Holland and David Rogers for "Casino
Night"[136]
2007 Winner Writers Guild of America Awards, Best Comedy Series[137]
2007 Winner Episodic Comedy Writing, Steve Carell for "Casino Night"[137]
2007 Winner Producers Guild Awards, Episodic Television Comedy, Greg Daniels & Kent Zbornak[138]
2007 Winner NAACP Image Awards Outstanding Director in Comedy Series, Ken Whittingham for "Michael's Birthday"[139]
2007 Honored, Peabody Awards[140]
2007 Winner Webby Awards Webby Award, Comedy: Individual Short or Episode, The Office: Accountants[141]
2007 Winner People's Voice, Best Comedy: Individual Short or Episode
2007 Winner People's Voice, Best Television Website[142]
2007 Winner Daytime Emmy Awards Outstanding Broadband Program – Comedy, producers Vivi Zigler, Jeff Ross, Jordon Schlansky, Mike Sweeney, and Robert
Angelo and performers Paul Lieberstein, Michael Schur, Brian Baumgartner, Angela Kinsey, and Oscar Nunez for The Office: Accountants[143]
2007 Winner Emmy Awards Outstanding Single-Camera Picture Editing For A Comedy Series Dean Holland and David Rogers for "The Job"[144]
2007 Winner Outstanding Writing For A Comedy Series, Greg Daniels for "Gay Witch Hunt"[145]
2008 Winner Screen Actors Guild Awards, Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series[146]
Season 1
Pilot [1.1]
Michael: [re: downsizing] Am I going to tell them? No, I'm not going to tell them. I don't see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer.
Michael: People I respect, heroes of mine, would be: Bob Hope, um, Abraham Lincoln, definitely, Bono... uh, and probably God would be the fourth one. And, I just think all those people really, uh, helped the world in so many ways, that it's, um, it's really beyond words. It's really incalculcable.
Diversity Day [1.2]
Michael: Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North," and those are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.
Pam: [during a role-playing exercise] Okay, if I have to do this, based on stereotypes that are totally untrue, that I do not agree with, you would maybe... not be a very good driver.
Dwight: Aw, man! Am I a woman?
Health Care [1.3]
Jim: Wait, what are you writing? Don't write ebola or mad cow disease, all right? [Shows Pam his sheet; every disease on it is circled] Because I'm suffering from both of them.
Pam: [Laughs] I'm inventing new diseases.
Jim: Oh, great.
Pam: So, like, let's say that my teeth turn to liquid and then they drip down the back of my throat. What would you call that?
Jim: I thought you said you were inventing new diseases. That's spontaneous dental hydroplosion.
Pam: Nice.
Dwight: OK, first let's go over some parameters. How many people can I fire?
Michael: Uh, none. You're picking a healthcare plan.
The Alliance [1.4]
Meredith: [reading her birthday card] This one's from Michael. "Let's hope the only downsizing this year is that someone downsizes your age."
Michael: Get it? 'Cause of the downsizing. Rumors. And 'cause you're getting old.
Meredith: I... get it.
Michael: Meredith is so old... how old is she? Meredith is so old, that when she went to an antique store, they kept her. I got that off the internet, it's not mine. Hey Meredith, Liz Taylor called; she wants her age and her divorces back! Get it? 'Cause she's getting old, and she's been divorced, what, twice?
Michael: When I retire, I-- I don't want to just disappear to an island somewhere. I want to be the guy who gives everything back. I want it to be like: "Hey, who donated that hospital wing that is saving so many lives?" "Umm, well, uh, I don't know. It was anonymous." "Well, guess what? That was Michael Scott!" "But-- it was anonymous, how do you know?" "...Because I'm him!"
Basketball [1.5]
Oscar: [who is of Mexican descent] I can play basketball if you need any help.
Michael: I will use your talents come baseball season, my friend. Or if we box.
Michael: [trying to motivate the employees for a basketball game] I know, grumble, grumble. But you would follow me to the ends of the earth, grumbling all the way. Like that dwarf from Lord of the Rings.
Dwight: Gimli.
Michael: Nerd. That is why you're not on the team.
Hot Girl [1.6]
Dwight: The purse girl hits everything on my checklist: creamy skin, straight teeth, curly hair, amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.
Katy: It was nice to meet some of you.
Season 2
The Dundies [2.1}
Michael: A lot of the people here donít get trophies very often, like Meredith or Kevin, I mean whoís going to give Kevin an award, Dunkiní Donuts? Plus, bonus, itís really really funny. So I, you know, an employee will go home, and heíll tell his neighbor, ìHey, did you get an award?î And the neighbor will say, ìNo man. I mean I slave all day and nobody notices me.î Next thing you know, employee smells something terrible coming from the neighborís house. Neighborís hanged himself, due to lack of recognition.
Pam: You know what they say about a car wreck, where it's so awful you can't look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away from but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.
Sexual Harassment [2.2]
Michael: Attention everyone, hello! Yes, I just want you to know that this is not my decision but from here on out, we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here, we must only discuss work associated things. And uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future if I want to say something funny, or witty, or do an impression I will no longer, ever, do any of those things.
Jim: Does that include "That's what she said?"
Michael: Mmm hmm, yes.
Jim: Wow. That is really hard. ...You really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling, so...
Michael: That's what she said!
Dwight: [to Toby] You said we could come to you if we had any questions... Where is the clitoris? On the website it said "at the crest of the labia." What does that mean? ...What does the female vagina look like?
Toby: [talking head] Technically, I am in Human Resources, and Dwight was asking me about human anatomy. Um... I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly.
Office Olympics [2.3]
Dwight: Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60-acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to the local stores and restaurants. Itís a nice little farm... sometimes teenagers use it for sex.
Dwight: I have been Michaelís number two guy for about 5 years, and we make a great team. Weíre like one of those classic famous teams. Heís like Mozart and Iím like... Mozart's friend. No. Iím like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like... Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, youíre gonna get a bullet in the head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
The Fire [2.4]
Michael: Yes, I was the first one out. And yes, Iíve heard "women and children first". But, we do not employ children. We are not a sweatshop, thankfully. And women are equal in the workplace by law. So if I let them out first, I have a lawsuit on my hands.
Dwight: I hope the war goes on forever and Ryan gets drafted.
Halloween [2.5]
Phyllis: [to Dwight in costume] Are you a monk?
Dwight: I'm a Sith lord!!
Michael: [while on hold with Sherry] I wish I could fire Sherry.
Sherry: I'm still here, Michael.
Michael: Err... OK, Sherry. Thank you.
The Fight [2.6]
Dwight: I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War Two veteran. Killed twenty men then spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father... battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.
Michael: Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm... easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
The Client [2.7]
Michael: [on the phone] I don't understand... you want to see other people? ...Only other people?
Jan: Do you always shut down the entire office when you leave for an hour?
Michael: No. No, that would not be efficient... Actually, they just don't get a lot of work done when I'm not here... That's not true. I know how to delegate. And they do more work when I'm not here... Not more... the same amount of work is done whether I am here or not.
Performance Review [2.8]
Michael: Pam, you're trustworthy.
Pam: Thank you.
Michael: And a woman.
Pam: Oh no.
Angela: I actually look forward to performance reviews. I did the youth beauty pageant circuit, and I enjoyed that quite a bit. I really enjoy being judged. I believe I hold up very well to even severe scrutiny.
Email Surveillance [2.9]
Dwight: I think one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. As a volunteer sheriff I can look up anyone's psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections... there are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we're downriver from that old bread factory...
Jim: My roommate wants to meet everybody. Because I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm making Dwight up. [sighs] He is very real.
Christmas Party [2.10]
Phyllis: Everyone, this is my boyfriend Bob.
Kevin: Kevin Malone.
Bob Vance: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
Stanley: Stanley Hudson.
Bob Vance: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
Ryan: Ryan Howard.
Bob Vance: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
Ryan: What line of work you in, Bob?
Michael: Happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame.
Booze Cruise [2.11]
Michael: You know what Brenda, could we have a moment alone?
Brenda: Jan said if you asked me that I was supposed to say no.
Jim: You know what? I would save the receptionist. Just wanted to clear that up.
The Injury [2.12]
Michael: What do I write under "reason for visit?"
Jim: Concussion. [Michael scratches something out] What'd you write?
Michael: ..."Bringing someone to the hospital."
Jim: Oh, you thought they meant your reason for visit.
Michael: No, you know what? This isn't about me anymore.
Michael: Pam, will you rub butter on my foot?
Pam: No.
Michael: Please? I have Country Crock.
The Secret [2.13]
Ryan: If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds, and nobody would ever know that I'd ever been here. And I'd forget, too.
Pam: What did you guys talk about?
Jim: Oh, just you know - politics, literature... [holds up Hooter's T-shirt]
Pam: I hate you.
The Carpet [2.14]
Michael: I swore to myself that if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh when they saw me coming and would applaud as I walked away.
Michael: Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them, but now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask so they can hear me say, "Uhh... no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney."
Boys and Girls [2.15]
Dwight: It's a terrible idea.
Jim: What is?
Dwight: Them in there all together. They stay in there too long, they're gonna get on the same cycle. Wreak havoc on our plumbing.
[Dwight and company are descending into the warehouse for a "mens-day"]
Dwight: Remember on Lost when they met "the Others"?
Valentine's Day [2.16]
Dwight: Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. Snare it. Then to keep it happy, you have to tame it. Feed it, care for it. Lovingly. The way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.
Jan: Nervous? No, I'm not nervous. Well, I mean, I guess I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little nervous. Um, the new CFO is judging me on this too. And, well, it is Michael. So... yeah, Iím very nervous.
Dwight's Speech [2.17]
Dwight: [giving a speech at a paper selling conference] BLOOD ALONE MOVES THE WHEELS OF HISTORY!
Dwight: When I was in the 6th grade, I was a finalist in our school spelling bee. It was me against Raj Patel. And I mispelled, in front of the entire school, the word 'failure'.
Take Your Daughter to Work Day [2.18]
Michael: Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and... I have a great one. "Little Kid Lover". That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
Michael: This is Creed, and he is in charge of... something... right?
Creed: That is correct.
Michael's Birthday [2.19]
Dwight: [After he didn't tip the sub man] Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.
Toby: Didn't you lose a lot of money on that other investment, the one from that e-mail?
Michael: You know what, Toby? When the son of the deposed King of Nigeria e-mails you directly asking for help, you help. His father ran the freaking country, okay?
Drug Testing [2.20]
Angela: Do you want to give Michael your urine?
Dwight: [deeply sincere] I want him to have all the urine he needs.
Jim: Last week, Dwight found half a joint in the parking lot. And as it turns out, Dwight finding drugs is scarier than most people using drugs.
Conflict Resolution [2.21]
Dwight: Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffle bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?
Jim : Dwight tried to kiss me.
Michael : What?
Jim : And I didnít tell anyone, ícause Iím not really sure how I feel about it.
Dwight : That is not true. Redact it. Redact it!
Jim : Well, Iím not actually making a formal complaint. I just really think we should talk about it.
Casino Night [2.22]
Darryl: I taught Mike some, uh, some phrases to help with his interracial conversation. You know, stuff like, "fleece it out," "going mach 5," "dinkin' flicka." You know, things us Negroes say.
Michael: I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Jim: Oh, I think you mean the Aid to Afghanistan.
Michael: No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael: What?
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael: That's a dog.
Pam: No, that's afghan.
Michael: That's a shawl.
Dwight: Wait, canine AIDS?
Michael: No, humans with AIDS.
Creed: Who has AIDS?
Jim: Guys, the Afghanistananis.
Jim: I was just, um... I'm in love with you.
Pam: What?
Jim: I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear, but I needed you to hear it. Probably not good timing, I know that, I justó
Pam: What are you doing? What do you expect me to say to that?
Jim: I just needed you to know. Once.
Pam: Well, I, umóI can't...
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: You have no ideaó
Jim: Don't do that.
Pam: ówhat your friendship means to me.
Jim: Come on. I don't want to do that. I want to be more than that.
Season 3
Gay Witch Hunt [3.1]
Ryan: Yeah, I'm not a temp anymore. I got Jim's old job. Which means at my ten year high school reunion, it will not say "Ryan Howard is a temp". It will say "Ryan Howard is a junior sales associate at a midrange paper supply firm". [pause] That'll show 'em.
Creed: I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the 60's I made love to many, many women, often outdoors, in the mud and the rain... and it's possible a man slipped in. [shrugs] There'd be no way of knowing.
The Convention [3.2]
Michael: I love inside jokes. I'd love to be a part of one someday.
Michael: Ain't no party like a Scranton party cause a Scranton party don't stop!
The Coup [3.3]
Dwight: [crying] The Sebring is cool! The Sebring is so cool! Please don't fire me Michael, I'll do anything!
Michael: Hey, I thought you weren't supposed to eat anything for a couple hours after you've had a crown put it?
Dwight: ...They have this new kind of quick-drying bonding.
Michael: Oh? sounds like a good dentist.
Dwight: Yeah...
Michael: What's his name?
Dwight: ...Crentist.
Michael: Your dentist's name is Crentist... huh. Sounds a lot like dentist.
Dwight: Maybe that's why he became a dentist?
Grief Counseling [3.4]
Michael: I lost Ed Truck... and it feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears... and at the same time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer... and then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone... and I'm crying, and nobody can hear me, because I'm terribly, terribly... terribly alone.
Dwight: When I die, I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.
Initiation [3.5]
Dwight: Just as you have planted your seed into the ground, I will plant my seed into you.
Ryan: I don't think you know what you're saying.
Pam: What time is it there?
Jim: What time is it here? Um, we're in the same time zone.
Pam: Uh, oh, yeah, right.
Jim: How far away did you think we were?
Pam: I don't know. It felt far.
Jim: ...Yeah.
Diwali [3.6]
Michael: And another thing about the Indian people, they love sex positions. I present to you the Kama Sutra. I mean look at that. Who has seen that before?
Creed: I have. That's the Union of the Monkey.
Meredith: Oh, that's what they call it!
Kevin: This is the best meeting that we have ever had.
Karen: Andy! No a cappella!
Branch Closing [3.7]
Michael: It is an outrage, thatís all. Theyíre making a huge, huge mistake. Letís see Josh replace these people. Letís see Josh find another Stanley. You think Stanleys grow on trees? Well, they donít. There is no Stanley tree. Do you think the world is crawling with Phyllises? Show me that farm. With Phyllises and Kevins sprouting up all over the place, ripe for the plucking. Show me that farm.
Angela: I don't want to blame anyone in particular. I think everyone's to blame.
The Merger [3.8]
Andy: I'll be the number-two guy here in Scranton in six weeks. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake. I'm always thinking one step ahead. Like a... carpenter... that makes stairs.
Dwight: Hello. I don't believe we've been introduced. Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager.
Andy: Andy Bernard, Regional Director in charge of Sales.
Dwight: So you'll be reporting to me then.
Andy: On the contrary.
Dwight: My title has "manager" in it.
Andy: And I'm a director. Which on a film set is the highest title there is. Do you know anything about film?
Dwight: I know everything about film. I've seen over 240 of them.
Kelly: Jim! Oh my God, I have so much to tell you. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had a baby, and they named it Suri! And Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie also had a baby, and they named it Shiloh! And both babies are amaziiiing!
Jim: Wow, so, uh, what's new with you?
Kelly: [blank stare] I just told you.
The Convict [3.9]
Dwight: I am greatly concerned about having a convict in the office. And I do not care if that convict is white, black, Asian, German, or some kind of halfsy. I do not like criminals.
Michael: I'm Prison Mike! You know why they call me Prison Mike?!
Angela: Do you really expect us to believe that you're another person?
Prison Mike: Do you really not expect me to throw you up against that wall, biatch?!
Jim: Where did you learn all of this?
Prison Mike: Internet.
Jim: So, not prison.
Prison Mike: And prison. Fifty-fifty... both. Look, prison stinks is what I'm saying. It's not like you can go home and recharge your batteries, and come back in the morning and be with your friends, having fun in the office.
Jim: What did you do, Prison Mike?
Prison Mike: I stole. And I robbed. And I kidnapped... the President's son. And held him for ransom.
Jim: That is quite the rapsheet, Prison Mike.
Prison Mike: And I never got caught neither!
Jim: Well, you are in prison. But mmhmm.
A Benihana Christmas [3.10]
Dwight: [bringing in a dead goose] I accidentally ran over it. It's a Christmas miracle!
Toby: C'mon, Dwight, we talked about this: no dead animals in the office.
Michael: I'd like everybody's attention. Christmas is cancelled.
Stanley: You can't cancel a holiday.
Michael: Keep it up, Stanley, and you'll lose New Year's.
Stanley: What's that mean?
Michael: Jim, take New Year's away from Stanley.
Ryan: I miss the days when there was only one party I didnít want to go to.
Michael: Bros before hoes. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then suddenly...she's not yo' ho no mo'.
Michael: Why do I feel like crap?
Jim: You just had a rebound.
Michael: A rebound?
Jim: Yeah. Which, don't get me wrong, can be a really fun distraction, but when it's over... you're left thinking about the girl you really likeó the one that broke your heart.
Back From Vacation [3.11]
Pam: [seeing a picture of Michael and Jan in Jamaica] Oh my God, is that Jan?
Michael: No... that's a German woman named... Urkel... grue.
Michael: Jan? You complete me.
Jan: ...Oh god.
Traveling Salesmen [3.12]
Michael: Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice... strike three.
Jan: And where it asks you to state your business he wrote, "Beeswax, Not Yours, Inc."
The Return [3.13]
Jim: I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win.
Michael: I don't want somebody sucking up to me because they think I am going to help their career. I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me.
Ben Franklin [3.14]
Dwight: I don't care what Jim says, that is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure.
Michael: Guys! Beef: it's what's for dinner! Who wants some man meat?
Dwight: I do! I want some man meat!
Jim: Michael, Dwight would like your man meat.
Michael: Well then, my man meat he shall have.
Phyllis' Wedding [3.15]
Dwight: I saw "Wedding Crashers" accidentally. I bought a ticket for "Grizzly Man" and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater, but I kept waiting. Cause thatís the thing about bear attacks... they come when you least expect it.
Kelly: Are you all right? This must be so awful for you.
Pam: What do you mean?
Kelly: Well, this was supposed to be your wedding.
Pam: Oh, um, no, that's, um, it's actually fine.
Kelly: There's no way it's fine, I'm sorry. If I was you, I would just like freak out, and get really drunk, and then tell someone I was pregnant.
Pam: Okay, that's a lot of good ideas. Thanks.
Business School [3.16]
Dwight: Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, "Would an idiot do that?" And if they would, I do not do that thing.
Michael: There are four kinds of business: tourism, food service, railroads, and sales. And hospitals/manufacturing. And air travel.
Cocktails [3.17]
Jan: I am taking a calculated risk. What's the upside? I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love, babies, normalcy, no more self-loathing. Downside... I date Michael Scott publicly and collapse in on myself like a dying star. Why is this so hard? That's what she said. Oh my god, what am I saying?
Michael: I love you, Jan.
Jan: Okay.
The Negotiation [3.18]
Jim: I guess, all things considered, I was lucky Dwight was there. And Roy was lucky that Dwight only used pepper spray, and not the nunchucks or the throwing stars.
Toby: I don't think Michael intended to punish me by putting Ryan back here with Kelly. But, if he did intend that... wow. Genius.
Michael: It was a weird day. I accidentally cross-dressed.
Safety Training [3.19]
Dwight: Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned?
Jim: Andy, Dwight says welcome back and he could use a hug.
Dwight: Okay, tell him that that's not true.
Jim: Dwight says that he actually doesn't know one single fact about bear attacks.
Dwight: Okay, no, Jim, tell him bears can climb faster than they can run. [Andy walks away] Jim! Tell him!
Jim: Andy... nah, that's too far.
Dwight: Damn you.
Michael: I saved a life: my own. Am I a hero? I really canít say... but, yes.
Product Recall [3.20]
Creed: Every week, I'm supposed to take four hours and do a quality spot-check at the paper mill. And of course the one year I blow it off, this happens.
Andy: Beer me!
Jim: What's that?
Andy: Hand me that water. I always say, "Beer me." Gets a laugh like a quarter of the time.
Jim: Lord, beer me strength.
Women's Appreciation [3.21]
Dwight: I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides.
Dwight: I know what you're thinking. Won't that just shed more light on the penises? But that is a risk we have to take. Pam, you can draw, kind of, why don't you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community.
Pam: Phallus?
Dwight: Phyllis, sorry. I've got penises on the brain.
Michael: There's a wishing fountain at the mall. And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me, I wished for Phyllis a plasma TV, I wished for Pam to gain courage, I wished for Angela a heart, and for Kelly a brain...
Beach Games [3.22]
Michael: What happens to a company if somebody takes a boss away? I will answer your question with a question. It's like, what happens to a chicken when you take its head away? It dies. Unless you find a new head. I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be a chicken head.
Kevin: I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted.
Michael: Andy Bernard. Pros: he's classy. He gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don't really trust him.
The Job [3.23]
Michael: I have got it made in the shade. I know this company. The other branch managers are total morons. [calls Pam] Hey Pam, yeah. I forgot what day the interview was and I drove to New York accidentally. Be like three hours late.
Ryan: Last year, Creed asked me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed's brain, I opened up a Word document on his computer and put an address at the top. I've read some of it. Even for the Internet, it's... pretty shocking.
Dwight: Once I'm officially regional manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable, fictional, and overqualified.
Dwight: Donít you want to earn Schrute bucks?
Stanley: No. In fact, Iíll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again.
Dwight: Whatís the ratio of Stanley nickels to Schrute bucks?
Stanley: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.
Pam: I haven't heard anything, but I bet Jim got the job. I mean, why wouldn't he? He's totally qualified, and smart, everyone loves him. And if he never comes back again, that's okay. We're friends. And I'm sure we'll stay friends. We just... we never got the timing right, you know? I shot him down and then he did the same to me, but you know what? It's okay. I am totally fine. Everything is going to be totally...
[Jim walks in on interview]
Jim: Pam. [to camera] Sorry. [to Pam] Um, are you free for dinner tonight?
Pam: Yes.
Jim: All right. Then... it's a date.
[Jim leaves. Pam smiles and tears up]
Pam: I'm sorry, what was the question?
Season 4
Fun Run [4.1]
Pam: [answering the phone] Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race For The Cure, this is Pam.
Michael: I ran down Meredith in my car.
Ryan: Did you do this on purpose?
Michael: No, I was being negligent. But she's in the hospital. She's fine, recovering nicely. Tiny little crack in her pelvis. But she will be up in--
Ryan: Did this happen on company property?
Michael: Yes. It was on company property with company property, so... double jeopardy. We're fine.
Ryan: I don't think you understand how double jeopardy works.
Michael: Oh right, I'm sorry. What is, "We're fine?"
Michael: Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.
Angela: [after Dwight feeds her cat] Any problems?
Dwight: Well, you left the TV on. Also, your cat is dead.
Michael: Kelly, you're a Hindu, so you believe in Buddha.
Kelly: That's Buddhists.
Michael: Are you sure?
Kelly: No.
Dunder Mifflin Infinity [4.2]
Michael: Yeah, Ryan snapped at me. But there was this twinkle in his eye that I picked up on which said, "Dude, we're friends. I'm doing this for appearances. I am the big boss now. And I have to seem like an ogre. But you know me and you trust me. And we like each other. And we'll always be friends. And I would never take you for granted in a million years. And I miss you, man. And I love you." His words.
Creed: Hey, brah. I've been meaning to ask you. Can we get some Red Bull for these things? Sometimes a guy's gotta ride the bull, am I right? Later, skater.
Michael: Computers are about trying to murder you in a lake.
Dwight: [to Angela] I just wanna be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.
Michael: WHERE ARE THE TURTLES?!
Launch Party [4.3]
Dwight: I am not a bad person. When I left Staples, I took some of their leads with me but I never intended to use them. What did I intend to do with them? Who knows. Maybe keep them as a souvenir. Maybe use them.
Michael: It was a pretty disappointing day. It was kind of a slap in the face, to realize that I wasn't as important as I thought I was to a certain young executive. Who I had cared about. But you know, I'm not going to cry about it. I did that on the way home.
Angela: I can't do this. I can't do it.
Michael: Yes you can. I know you can. I wouldn't say it if I didn't 100% believe it. Who else could do this?
Angela: Okay. Okay.
Michael: No seriously, is there anyone else who could do it better? Because we don't have a lot of time.
Stanley: Find anything?
Kevin: I think it's a straight-forward kidnapping.
Oscar: Stanley, could you look up "accomplices"?
Stanley: Can't you guys do it?
Oscar: 'Cause we're looking up "jail time".
Jim: Do you remember what you said to me on my first day of work, just before you walked me over to my desk?
Pam: Yeah: "Enjoy this moment, because you're never going to go back to this time before you met your deskmate Dwight."
Jim: That's when I knew. You?
Pam: You came up to my desk and you said, "This might sound weird, and there's no reason for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you're about to eat is expired."
Jim: That was the moment that you knew you liked me.
Pam: Yep.
Jim: Wow. Can we make it a different moment?
Pam: Nope.
Money [4.4]
Michael: We'll ask Powerpoint.
Oscar: Michael, this is a presentation tool.
Michael: You're a presentation tool!
Michael: Yes. Money has been a little tight lately. But, at the end of my life, when I'm sitting on my yacht, am I gonna be thinking about how much money I have? No. I'm going to be thinking about how many friends I have, and my children, and my comedy albums. I mean, I have a yacht, so I obviously did pretty well money wise.
Dwight: As of this morning, we are completely wireless here on Schrute Farms. So as soon as I find out where Mose hid all the wires, we can have power back on.
Dwight: My girlfriend and I broke up recently. And I must say, I am relieved. Gives me a chance to sow my wild oats. In the Schrute family, we have a tradition, where when the male has sex with another woman, he is rewarded with a bag of wild oats left on his door step by his parents. You can use these oats to make oatmeal, bread, whatever you want. I don't care - they're your oats.
Jim: Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton?
Dwight: [sobs]
Jim: Yeah, I didn't think I had. Well, it was all about Pam. Yeah, I mean, she was with Roy...and I just couldn't take it. I mean, I lost it, Dwight. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate on anything. And then weird stuff, like, food had no taste. So my solution was to move away. It was awful. And it is something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. And that includes you.
Local Ad [4.5]
Dwight: Second Life is not a game. It is a multi-user, virtual environment. It doesn't have points or scores. It doesn't have winners or losers.
Jim: Oh, it has losers.
Meredith: I'm excited about doing the ad, but I'm not really used to doing videos with so many people around.
Branch Wars [4.6]
Dwight: The eyes are the groin of the head.
Karen: Let me ask you. Did you accomplish what you wanted?
Dwight: Listen, lady. You can expect these kinds of repercussions as long as you keep trying to poach our people.
Karen: I'm taking Stanley.
Dwight: Then we will burn Utica to the ground.
Michael: Dwight! [clears his throat] Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them. And if you so much as harm a hair on Stanley's head... We will burn Utica to the ground.
Survivor Man [4.7]
Pam: [about the corportate retreat] Michael wasn't invited. Apparently they already knew everything they needed to know about him.
Michael: Ten years, you'll figure it out.
Jim: Well, I don't think I'll be here in ten years.
Michael: That's what I said. [Jim looks concerned] That's what she said.
Jim: That's what who said?
Michael: I never know. I just say it. I say stuff like that, you know, to lighten the tension. When things sort of get hard.
Jim: That's what she said.
Michael: Hey! Nice, really good. Bravo, my young ward.
The Deposition [4.8]
Kelly: I don't talk trash, I talk smack. They're totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical, like: Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet. But smack talk is happening like right now. Like: You're ugly and I know it for a fact 'cause I got the evidence right there.
Jan: People underestimate Michael. There are plenty of things that he is well above average at. Like ice skating. He is a very good ice skater.
Dinner Party [4.9]
Jan: I'm so, so sorry for the temperature in here. The, uh, sliding glass door shattered. It's actually a really cute story. Do you wanna tell it, babe, or should I tell it?
Michael: I don't like that story, babe.
Jan: Come on! It's a cute story. Michael ran through the sliding glass door because he thought he heard the ice cream truck.
Michael: Stop! Stop it! I mean... I like ice cream, okay? Sue me! Oh no, don't! I shouldn't say that jokingly because she will sue me. She loves to sue! She loves lawsuits. You know, honey, that door was extremely clean, and it looked invisible.
Jan: You are so right. You are SO right! Because before I lived here the glass was always covered with smudges and I moved in and I cleaned it and I guess that makes me the devil!
Michael: [laughing crazily] You are! She is! She is the devil! I'm in hell! I'm burning. Help me.
Michael: When I said that I wanted to have kids and you said that you wanted me to have a vasectomy, what did I do? And then, when you said that you might want to have kids and I wasn't so sure? Who had the vasectomy reversed? And then when you said you definitely didn't wanna have kids? Who had it reversed back? Snip snap snip snap snip snap! I did! You have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person! And I bought this condo to fill with children!
Jan: I am so sorry that I don't wanna bring kids into this screwed up world.
Michael: I am sorry too.
Jan: But look if you wanna have kids, then fine! You win! Let's have a f**king kid!
Michael: Do you mean it? You wanna have a kid?
Jan: I hate my life.
Chair Model [4.10]
Michael: What part of "shorn't" don't you understand?
Andy: I did this for the little guy. For Joe Six-pack. The guy who wakes up every morning in his $400 a month apartment, wonders how he's going to pay his mortgage; wonders how he's going to fill his car up with oil; wonders "How am I going to pay my kids' orphanage bills?" That guy shouldn't have to wonder where he's going to park.
Night Out [4.11]
Ryan: Do you have a question, Kelly?
Kelly: Yeah, I have a lot of questions. Number one: how dare you?
Pam: There is a spare key, and a master key for the office. Dwight has them both. When I asked "What if you die, Dwight, how will we get into the office?", he said "If I'm dead, you guys have been dead for weeks."
Did I Stutter? [4.12]
Creed: A lot of jazz cats are blind. But they can play the piano like nobody's business. I'd like to put the piano in front of Pam, without her glasses, and see what happens. I'd also like to see her topless.
Stanley: It's like I used to tell my wife. I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong. And if you don't like it you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife and I'll say it to my next one, too.
Job Fair [4.13]
Jim: Today, I am meeting a potential client on the golf course because Ryan put me on probation. You remember Ryan: he was the temp here. Yeah and, uh, it is not a good time for me to lose my job since I have some pretty big long-term plans in my personal life with Pam that I'd like her parents to be psyched about. So, I am about to do something very bold in this job that I've never done before: Try.
Pam: Do you remember you specifically told me to bring one sheet of paper? You said it only takes one sheet to make a difference. I said, "Are you sure, Michael?" And you said, "Pam! Pam! Pam!" And then you sneezed in my tea and then you said, "Don't worry, it's just allergies." Do you remember that?
Goodbye, Toby [4.14]
[Michael and Dwight discuss Holly, Toby's replacement]
Dwight: So what do we know about her?
Michael: Well, we know that Toby thinks she'll be great. So strike one, I hate her already.
Dwight: I hate her, too.
Michael: Why do you hate her?
Dwight: Because she... stinks. With her... ways. And her... head.
Michael: You know Dwight, sometimes... I dunno, I think you say things just to agree with me.
Dwight: Would that be such a bad thing?
Michael: Yeah, it would! Just have a thought! Have an original thought! Although I will agree that her head is weird.
Dwight: Hazing is a fun way to show a new employee that she is not welcome or liked.
Holly: [thinks Kevin is slow] Hi!
Kevin: Hi.
Holly: What do you do?
Kevin: I do the numbers.
Holly: Oh, good for you!
Kevin: You want an M&M?
Holly: Oh, no, that is so sweet. Thank you, though.
Kevin: I keep them here at my desk so that everybody doesn't take them.
Holly: Well, that is a very safe place for them.
Kevin: [smiling] Yeah.
Oscar: Well, this is what happened. Uh, Ryan's big project was the website. Which wasn't doing so well. So Ryan, to give the impression of sales, recorded them twice. Once as offices and once in the website sales, which is what we refer to in the business as misleading the shareholders. Another good term is fraud. The real crime, I think, was the beard.
Andy: Angela, will you do me the honor of giving me your tiny hand in marriage?
Angela: ...Okay.
Andy: Into the mic, sweetie.
Angela: I said, okay.
Andy: She said yes! [light applause from some people] And the crowd goes wild! Woo!
Season 5
Weight Loss [5.1]
Dwight: Wait a minute. One more bite of eclair each. Hold it in your mouth if you can't swallow.
Jim: [looks to Michael for a "That's what she said"] Really? Nothing?
Michael: What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.
Kelly: I swallowed a tapeworm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me and then it eats all my food so that I don't get fat. And then after three months I take some medicine and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It's from Mexico.
[cuts to Creed in an interview]
Creed: That wasn't a tapeworm.
Ryan: Kelly.
Kelly: Oh, hello Ryan. You look well.
Ryan: I wanted to say I'm sorry... for treating you bad the past couple years. I was in my mid twenties and I was going through a lot of stuff. I think I never fully processed 9/11.
Michael: Thank you. Holly is right. People, this is not just about winning some extra vacation days. This is about a very cool HR initiative that if we don't follow, we are all going to die of obesity. So how much are we gonna lose?
Jim: I would like to lose 65 pounds.
Michael: Yes, all right. Who else? [to Angela] Can I put you down for 10 pounds?
Angela: No. My doctor wants me to gain weight.
Michael: If you gain weight, you will die. I want you to live forever. I want us all to live forever. How? How are we going to do this?
Jim: Cryogenics. Beer me five.
Michael: This is how we're gonna do it. Five pounds. I'm asking each of you to lose five pounds. That plus Jim's 65 will give us a very good chance at winning this thing.
Business Ethics [5.2]
Michael: I love babies. I think they are beautiful in all sorts of different ways. I try to pick up and hold a baby every day, if possible, because it nourishes me. It feeds my soul. Babies are drawn to me. And I think it's because they see me as one of them. But... cooler and with my life put together a little bit more. If a baby were President, there would be no taxes. There would be no war. There would be no... government, and... things could get terrible. And actually probably it would be a better screenplay idea then a serious suggestion.
Oscar: That isn't ethics. Ethics is a real discussion of the competing conceptions of the good. This is just the corporate anti-shoplifting rules.
Andy: I'll drop an ethics bomb on you. Would you steal bread to feed your family? ...Boom!
Oscar: Exactly, Andy.
Andy: Yeah, I took intro to philosophy, twice. No big deal.
Dwight: It's a trick question. The bread is poisoned. Also, it's not your real family. You've been cuckolded by a stronger, smarter male.
Andy: No, that's... not how it works.
Michael: I would not... steal the bread. And I would not let my family go hungry.
Baby Shower [5.3]
Jim: Jan is about to have a baby with a sperm donor. And Michael is preparing for the birth of a watermelon with Dwight. Now, this baby will be related to Michael through delusion.
Stanley: I do not like pregnant women in my workspace. They always complain. I have varicose veins, too. I have swollen ankles. I'm constantly hungry. Do you think my nipples don't get sore, too? Do you think I don't need to know the fastest way to the hospital?
Crime Aid [5.4]
Michael: In my opinion, the third date is traditionally the one where... you have sex. Does Holly feel that way? I don't know. I will probably find out tonight. If she starts having sex with me I'll know for sure.
Creed Bratton: Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name: Creed Bratton.
Employee Transfer [5.5]
Holly: It's been a weird week since we found out I had to transfer. Michael wanted me to quit and get some job here in Scranton, and I said, "Well, why don't you quit and get some job in Nashua?" And he said, "I asked you first." And I said, "First!" at the same time he did. And then I said "Jinx." And then we never talked about it again and haven't been back to the conversation. So...
Pam: [dressed as Charlie Chaplin] So apparently no one dresses up for Halloween here. I wish I had known that before I used grease paint for my mustache. And I can't even take off my hat... because then I'm Hitler.
Customer Survey [5.6]
Kelly: Get out of my nook, Dwight.
Pam: [heard through Jim's Bluetooth] THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!
Jim: Good one.
Michael: Kelly Kapoor is our dusky, exotic customer service rep. And once a year, she will contact our clients and find out how happy they are with our salespeople. Sort of a Kapoor's List. "Schindler's List" parody. ...That's not appropriate, no.
Business Trip [5.7]
Jim: Pam comes back from New York next week. And everyone here has just been so excited for me, and involved, and intrusive, and weird.
Dwight: [Interrupting Jim and Pam's kiss in the parking lot] You're back.
Pam: Uh, yeah.
Dwight: Good. [hands Pam a stack of papers] I need you to make five copies of these.
Pam: I'm not going inside.
Dwight: Alright, first thing in the morning then.
Jim: [to Pam] Welcome back.
Frame Toby [5.8]
Michael: I learned a while back that if I don't text 911, people will not return my calls. Uhhm, but now people always return my calls because they think that something horrible has happened.
Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffanyís at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier, itís priceless. As Iím taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. Itís her fatherís business; sheís Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come, and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada ñ I donít trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard: I have a son, and heís the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the TrocadÈro. Sheís been waiting for me all these years, sheís never taken another lover. I donít care. I donít show up. I go to Berlin. Thatís where I stashed the chandelier.
The Surplus [5.9]
Michael: Why don't you explain this to me like I'm five.
Oscar: Your mommy and daddy give you ten dollars to open up a lemonade stand. So you go out and you buy cups and you buy lemons and you buy sugar. And now you find out that it only costs you nine dollars.
Michael: Ho-oh!
Oscar: So you have an extra dollar.
Michael: Yeah.
Oscar: So you can give that dollar back to mommy and daddy, but guess what? Next summer...
Michael: I'll be six.
Andy: What's that smell?
Dwight: You're going to need to be more specific.
Moroccan Christmas [5.10]
Phyllis: Oh I don't think it's blackmail. Angela just does what I ask her to do so I won't tell everyone that she's cheating on Andy with Dwight. I think for it to be blackmail, it would have to be a formal letter.
Michael: As it turns out, you can't just check someone into rehab against their will. They have to do it voluntarily. They have to hit rock bottom. So I think I know what I need to do at this point. I need to find ways to push Meredith to the bottom. Um. I think I can do it. I did it with Jan.
The Duel [5.11]
Jim: Andy still doesn't know that Angela's having an affair with Dwight. And it's been seventeen days. I mean, eventually he'll figure it out, when their kids have giant heads and beet-stained teeth. But right now it's just...awkward.
Michael: My philosophy is basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter...where. Or who, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or...or where you've been...ever. For any reason, whatsoever.
Prince Family Paper [5.12]
Jim: Okay, okay, okay. Why don't we just put this to a vote, and then we'll be done with it.
Angela: I'm not voting.
Jim: No one cares.
Dwight: Your heart is a wonderful thing, Michael. But it has made some terrible decisions.
Michael: That is true.
Dwight: Yes.
Michael: That is true. We have gone down the wrong path many, many times.
Dwight: Yeah.
Michael: Jan...Ryan.
Stress Relief [5.13]
Andy: [yelling] The fire is shooting at us!
Michael: Don't die, Stanley! DON'T DIE! Barack is president! You're black!
Pam: [referring to Michael's penis size] If it was an iPod, it'd be a Shuffle.
David Wallace: How could you possibly think this was a good idea?
Dwight: Many ideas were not appreciated in their time.
Michael: Electricity.
Dwight: Shampoo.
Jim: [regarding Pam's father] What did he say? Is it my fault?
Pam: Yeah. He said that you told him much you love me. About how you feel when I walk in a room. And about how you've never doubted for a second that I'm the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. I guess he's never felt that way about my mom, even at their best.
Jim: You okay?
Pam: Yeah. [Cut to talking head] When you're a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that.
Lecture Circuit (Part 1) [5.14]
Pam: I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate thinking that al-Qaeda hates me. [pause] I think if they got to know me, they wouldn't hate me.
Dwight: Are you trying to hurt my feelings? Because if so, you are succeeding. Fortunately, my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man's.
Lecture Circuit (Part 2) [5.15]
Jim: Actually, when I was seven, my dad took me to the Natural History Museum in New York. And we looked at fossils all day. And at the end of the day, he got me a little plastic triceratops. It was awesome.
Dwight: That's cool. Hey, you know what's even cooler than triceratops? Every other dinosaur that ever existed.
Jim: Didn't see that one coming.
Kelly: I'm too excited to sleep!
Blood Drive [5.16]
Pam: They have new phone systems now that can ring directly to a salesman, or someone presses star and they go to accounting, basically 95% of my job. But I'd like to see a machine that puts out candy for everyone. [pauses] Vending machine...
Michael: It's not a big deal really. I just, you know met somebody, we hardly talked, I picked up her glove so I was hoping I could give it back to her.
Kelly: Oh my God, that makes it even more romantic. This is like a modern day Enchanted, it's like a fairy tale.
Meredith: She could be your soul mate.
Dwight: Oh, not likely. 3 billion women on the planet, most of them live in Asia, so the numbers just don't add up.
Golden Ticket [5.17]
Dwight: Knock, knock.
Michael: Who's there?
Dwight: The KGB.
Michael: The KGB who? [Dwight slaps Michael]
Dwight: WE WILL ASK THE QUESTIONS!
Kevin: Lynn, I'm just going to say to you everything that I'm thinking.
Lynn: Okay.
Kevin: I think you have the best smile. I'd like to take you out to dinner and a movie.
Lynn: Okay.
Kevin: Nice. [looks down] Boobs.
New Boss [5.18]
Michael: This little hellraiser is Angela. She has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office. Right over there [points to Andy] in the orange.
Andy: Hey-oh!
Charles: No, it is not.
Michael: No, it is not.
Charles: Okay, so we're on the same page, great.
Michael: Okay, so we're on the same page, great.
Charles: Okay, Michael.
Michael: Okay, Michael.
Charles: No, seriously.
Michael: No, seriously.
Charles: How old are you?
Michael: How old are you?
[cuts to Pam in an interview]
Pam: I can tell Michael's mood by which comedy routine he chooses to do. The more infantile, the more upset he is. And he just skipped the Ace Ventura talking butt thing. He never skips it. This is bad.
Two Weeks [5.19]
Toby: Michael's like a movie on a plane. You know it's not great, but it's something to watch. And then when it's over, you're like, how much time is left on this flight? You know, now what?
Michael: Stanley!
Stanley: Can't you see I'm urinating?
Michael: Listen, listen, Stanley. You don't need to answer me now.
Stanley: No.
Michael: Just...I want you to think about it. I am starting my own company...
Stanley: No.
Michael: You're not letting me finish and you just lost out on a million dollars.
Stanley: No I didn't.
Dream Team [5.20]
Jim: Charles is having Kevin cover the phones for a while. How do I say this diplomatically...I think Kevin is doing exactly as well as anyone might have expected someone like him to perform in a position like that.
Bowling Alley Employee: [to Ryan] Get back to work, shoe bitch!
Michael Scott Paper Company [5.21]
Dwight: Listen, when I saw you talking to Erin earlier, I noticed that your pupils dilated and your skin flushed and, I'm assuming, a little bit of blood rushed into your penis. Well, a little bit of blood rushed into mine as well, so where does that leave us?
Michael: Maybe the Michael Scott Paper Company was a huge mistake. I should leave. I should go and start my own paper company. That'll show 'em.
Heavy Competition [5.22]
Andy: I know a few things about love. Horrible, terrible, awful, awful things.
Dwight: You think this is some kind of game? No. This is a war. I will not stop, I will not rest. You have no idea what kind of enemy you've created. You have unleashed the wolf!
Michael: Be that as it may, I have your meatball parm sandwich here, and I am going to eat it.
Dwight: And I knew that you would do that. Their meatball parm is their worst sandwich!
Michael: [tasting the sandwich] Ah, bastard!
Broke [5.23]
Pam: When a child gets behind the wheel of a car and runs into a tree, you don't blame the child; he didn't know any better. You blame the 30-year-old woman who got in the passenger seat and said, "Drive, kid; I trust you."
Michael: I have no shortage of company names.
David Wallace: Michael...
Michael: That's one of them.
Casual Friday [5.24]
Creed: So hey, I wanna set you up with my daughter.
Jim: Oh, I'm engaged to Pam.
Creed: I thought you were gay.
Jim: Then why would you want to set me up with your daughter?
Creed: I don't know.
Dwight: When held over heat, the invisible ink will reveal that everyone should meet at the warehouse immediately. Do not ask me where I got the invisible ink. [pause] Urine. It was urine.
Cafe Disco [5.25]
Jim: So this morning, we are having breakfast together...and I just looked up from my cereal and I said, "You know what I wanna do today? I wanna marry you."
Pam: I had just woken up. I didn't look cute. That's how I knew he meant it.
Dwight: This remedy has been passed down in my family for generations and it always works. My grandfather was told that Diamond Dancer would never race again. They were wrong. He came in ninth in the Apple Creek Derby. And his jerky came in third the following year. A majestic beast. So fast...so tender.
Company Picnic [5.26]
Michael: I lied to Kevin. Holly and I can never be just friends. I wrote down a list of bullet points why Holly and I should be together and I'm going to find the perfect moment today and I'm gonna tell her. [quickly looks at crinkled note and looks back up] Number one: "Holly, you and I are soup snakes." The...and the reason is...because, in terms of the soup we like to eat. That doesn't make any sense. [checks note again] We're soulmates! Holly and I are soulmates.
[Dwight has to stall the volleyball game until Pam returns]
David: Dwight, come on now. It's time to put in the subs.
Charles: Yeah, it looks like Pam won't make it back.
Dwight: Okay. Fine.
Charles: Alright! Come on.
Dwight: Except you know what? It's not fine. How many people need to get hurt before we learn a valuable lesson? One? Two? Three? Four?
Charles: Dwight...
Dwight: No, no, hear me out. Five? Six?
David: Dwight...
Dwight: Seven? Can I finish please?
David: ...Okay.
Dwight: Eight?
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