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From Wikipedia
Birth name: Lisa Lampugnale
Born: July 19, 1961 (1961-07-19), Trumbull, Connecticut, USA
Medium: stand-up, television, film
Nationality: American
Years active: 1990–present
Genres : Improvisational comedy, Black comedy, Observational comedy, Insult comedy
Subjects: race relations, human sexuality, everyday life
Influences: Don Rickles
Lisa Lampanelli (born Lisa Lampugnale; July 19, 1961), often called the Queen of Mean, is a Grammy-nominated American stand-up comedian and insult comic. She is noted for her extremely racy and raunchy style of comedy, which frequently includes taboo subjects such as racism, homosexuality, and sexual assault.
Journalism career
Lampanelli was born in Trumbull, Connecticut and graduated from St. Joseph High School in Trumbull, CT. Lampanelli graduated from Syracuse University in 1983 with a degree in journalism and went through a graduate program at Harvard in 1986.[3] She worked as a copy editor at Popular Mechanics and an assistant at Rolling Stone.[4] She was also a fact checker and the first chief of research for Spy magazine; a book about Spy describes her then as "your average decked-out-heavy-metal-head-next-door."[5] Speaking later to Maxim Magazine Online, Lampanelli remarked, "I was a real journalist for Rolling Stone, Spy, Hit Parader. I interviewed those fuckin' hair bands: Cinderella, Slaughter. They were dumb as a post."[6]
Comedy career
Lampanelli began her stand-up career in New York in the early 1990s.[7] She made her break at the 2002 New York Friars' Club roast of Chevy Chase, and went on to participate in the roasts of Denis Leary, Pamela Anderson, Jeff Foxworthy, Flavor Flav, Larry the Cable Guy, and William Shatner. Lampanelli released a comedy special on DVD entitled Take it Like A Man in 2005, appeared in the 2006 motion picture Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, and had a cameo appearance in the VH1 sitcom So NoTORIous. She also landed a deal with Fox for a sitcom pilot with the tentative title Big Loud Lisa, which was considered a candidate for the network's 2006-07 television season.
Lampanelli is frequently on the dais for The Howard Stern Show roasts, including appearances at the roasts for Gary Dell'Abate, Artie Lange, Andy Dick, and KKK member Daniel Carver; Comedy Central's Roasts of Denis Leary, Baywatch star Pamela Anderson, William Shatner, and Flavor Flav; and A&E's "Gene Simmons Roast" in April of 2008. She was also the Roastmaster for Larry the Cable Guy's Comedy Central roast.[8]
Lampanelli taped her stand-up special Dirty Girl in the fall of 2006, which aired on Comedy Central on January 28, 2007. Her Dirty Girl CD and Dirty Girl .. No Protection DVD were released by Warner Bros./Jack Records on January 30, 2007.
She was also featured in the movie Delta Farce starring Larry the Cable Guy, Bill Engvall and D.J. Qualls, which was released early in 2007, and in Drillbit Taylor starring Owen Wilson.
Racial / ethnic humor is a large part of her comedy routine. Lampanelli explains:
“I can get away with it because I'm a nice person, I have a warm personality, my intention is good behind it. The thing is, people sense when you
have the least bit of anger or hate towards a group –– that's why you never make fun of people you don't like.[9].”
She makes frequent references to her real-life relationships with black men.[10] In an interview with AskMen.com, she explained:[11]
“...my problem is, I can't get a good-looking white guy anymore, I just don't have the looks to get that. I can get hot blacks, but also blacks
are now starting to get uppity and go for the skinny white ones and the Asians, which is very offensive to me that they don't stick with their
roots — the chubby white girl!”
On November 21, 2008, in Santa Rosa, CA, Lampanelli taped her first one-hour HBO Special at The Wells Fargo Center for the Arts. The special, "Lisa Lampanelli: Long Live the Queen," which aired January 31, 2009, was directed by Dave Higby, who also directed her "Dirty Girl" special.[12]
Nominations
Grammys - 2008 Best Comedy Album - "Dirty Girl"
References
2. Reno/Tahoe - Look out: Here comes Lisa Lampanelli
3. "Lampanelli is building career on celebrity roasts". Evansville Courier & Press. 2006-12-22.
4. "Interview with Lisa Lampanelli". The Onion's The A.V. Club. 2006-12-21.
5. Andersen, Kurt; Graydon Carter, George Kalogerakis. Spy: The Funny Years. New York: Miramax Books. pp. 28. ISBN 1401352391.
6. Dobrow, Larry (January 2007). ""Whoa Lampanelli"". Maxim Magazine Online.
7. Interview on Radar online, 2005-11-07
8. Comedy Central Roast of Larry the Cable Guy - About the Show
9. "Lisa Lampanelli: Queen of Mean". 31 January 2009.
10. Interview with Radar online, 2007-02-27
11. "Interview".
12. "HBO Special"
Lisa Lampanelli is Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean. Heralded as "more than a standup -- a standout," by comedy legend Jim Carrey, Lampanelli is a cross between Don Rickles, Archie Bunker, and a vial of estrogen. She even won accolades from The King of All Media Howard Stern, who called her "a true original and a brilliant comedy mind who'll steal the show every time."
This equal opportunity offender is a regular on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" and Howard Stern's Sirius satellite radio shows. She recently joined the ranks of comic greats and added her first ever one-hour HBO comedy special, "Long Live the Queen," to her resume, with a CD and DVD of the special to follow. In addition, her first book, "Chocolate, Please: My Adventures in Food, Fat and Freaks," will hit bookstore shelves on September 15, 2009.
Lisa's rise to the top of the comedy food chain began in 2002 when she was the only female comedian invited to skewer Chevy Chase on the NY Friars Club Roast on Comedy Central. She soon became one of the few white comedians to perform on BET's "Comic View," cementing her huge crossover appeal. A year later, she rocked Comedy Central once again in her back-to-back appearances on "Premium Blend" and on the enormously rated "Roast of Jeff Foxworthy" -- again, the only female invited to roast the man of honor.
Lisa appeared on Comedy Central's "Last Laugh 2005" and her headlining performances on the Comedy Central roasts of Pamela Anderson and William Shatner, among others, received national attention. Lisa's 2005 one-hour special, "Take It Like a Man," was a hit with the comedy network yet again, and the CD and the DVD of the same name hit #6 on the comedy charts. Then, in January 2007, Lisa's second one-hour special, "Dirty Girl," debuted on Comedy Central and Warner Bros. Records, and reached #4 on the charts. Soon thereafter, "Dirty Girl" was nominated for a Grammy Award for 2007's Best Comedy Album of the Year.
Lisa has also taped several specials for VH1, MTV, and CMT, and was featured on the "Best of" episode of Comedy Central's "Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn." Known for saying things that most people are afraid to think, Lisa Lampanelli's raunchy, gut-busting performances are wildly popular at theaters across the U.S. and Canada.
Lisa appeared in "Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector" and had a featured role in "Delta Farce," opposite Bill Engvall, Larry the Cable Guy, and D.J. Quall. She also starred in the feature film, "The Aristocrats" and, most recently, played a more maternal version of herself in the Owen Wilson vehicle, "Drillbit Taylor." She is currently developing a pilot for a weekly series on HBO with executive producers Jim Carrey and Kario Salem.
Lisa Lampanelli is Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean. Heralded as "more than a standup -- a standout," by comedy legend Jim Carrey, Lampanelli is a cross between Don Rickles, Archie Bunker, and a vial of estrogen. She even won accolades from The King of All Media Howard Stern, who called her "a true original and a brilliant comedy mind who'll steal the show every time."
This equal opportunity offender is a regular on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and Howard Stern's Sirius satellite radio shows. She recently joined the ranks of comic greats and added her first ever one-hour HBO comedy special, Long Live the Queen, to her resume, with a CD and DVD of the special to follow. In addition, her first book, Chocolate, Please: My Adventures in Food, Fat and Freaks, will hit bookstore shelves on September 15, 2009.
Lisa's rise to the top of the comedy food chain began in 2002 when she was the only female comedian invited to skewer Chevy Chase on the NY Friars Club Roast on Comedy Central. She soon became one of the few white comedians to perform on BET's Comic View, cementing her huge crossover appeal. A year later, she rocked Comedy Central once again in her back-to-back appearances on Premium Blend and on the enormously rated Roast of Jeff Foxworthy -- again, the only female invited to roast the man of honor.
Lisa appeared on Comedy Central's Last Laugh 2005 and her headlining performances on the Comedy Central Roasts of Pamela Anderson and William Shatner, among others, received national attention. Lisa's 2005 one-hour special, Take It Like a Man, was a hit with the comedy network yet again, and the CD and the DVD of the same name hit #6 on the comedy charts. Then, in January 2007, Lisa's second one-hour special, Dirty Girl, debuted on Comedy Central and Warner Bros. Records, and reached #4 on the charts. Soon thereafter, Dirty Girl was nominated for a Grammy Award for 2007's Best Comedy Album of the Year.
Lisa has also taped several specials for VH1, MTV, and CMT, and was featured on the "Best of" episode of Comedy Central's Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn. Known for saying things that most people are afraid to think, Lisa Lampanelli's raunchy, gut-busting performances are wildly popular at theaters across the U.S. and Canada.
Lisa appeared in Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector and had a featured role in Delta Farce, opposite Bill Engvall, Larry the Cable Guy, and D.J. Quall. She also starred in the feature film, The Aristocrats and, most recently, played a more maternal version of herself in the Owen Wilson vehicle, Drillbit Taylor. She is currently developing a pilot for a weekly series on HBO with executive producers Jim Carrey and Kario Salem.
When you got started, were you doing racial humor?
Lisa Lampanelli: No, I used to put on a hood and just go to the rallies on the weekend. When you find out you can get paid to be in the Klan, it's really good. I think there's too many unemployed Klan members out there. No, I did show comedy, and it just developed. I don't think any comic is good enough in the first seven years to say the "N" word, or go out there and talk about rape or AIDS, you have to be lovable and good, and have sort of a handle on your craft to be able to take those chances. So I just started out normal but was never into chick comedy because I hate them -- all they talk about is PMS and dating and their tw*t, and who cares. My tw*t isn't worth talking about. So I would talk about myself and have a good time. But then I started noticing over time that I really liked making fun of the audience. I really liked f*cking with them and not having anybody get mad at me.
Do you think that audiences don't get offended by the things you say because of the way you look?
Lisa Lampanelli: I think it's what they see on the inside... I know it sounds so gay. They could tell just by the way I smile that I don't mean the sh*t that I say. But also, I think it'd be much harder for a very, very hot woman to get away with it because if you look like Cameron Diaz and you're trying to do this humor, women in the audience might get mad, they think you're trying to steal their guy. You know I can hit on every black in the crowd and the women aren't gonna get offended... they know I'm just kidding around. And that I'm getting laid on my own time. It's because I'm more the woman next door, soccer-type mom, so it's more shocking coming out of my mouth, but that works for me.
Do you find it difficult to make racial jokes in such a hypersensitive society?
Lisa Lampanelli: Oh God no, we were making fun of September 11 two days later. Because if it's funny -- if it's a good joke, it's a good joke. So no matter what, people will laugh if it's well written. For instance, Pam Anderson had a roast and there was a couple of comics who made tw*t jokes about her, and they were so well written that no one got offended and she was really laughing. Then a few made ones that were just not well put together and went over the line, and you could tell she was a little hurt. So the point is, if it's well written you can make fun of anything.
Who is your favorite comedian?
Lisa Lampanelli: Don Rickles is my hero and he said to me once -- because I insisted on meeting him -- if they can tell just by your spirit that you love them, then you can get away with anything.
You say what's on your mind and that's why AskMen.com likes you so much. That said, how's your sex life?
Lisa Lampanelli: Well, here's the deal. I'm recently single because my black boyfriend dumped me last week and I'm not even kidding. My f*ckin'
boyfriend dumped me last week, I couldn't f*ckin' believe it! It came out of nowhere and I'm like, "Oh my God, I'm 44 years old and I have
to go back and date." I think what I have to do is date someone really super famous so I can still bang buff black dudes. Because my problem
is, I can't get a good-looking white guy, I just don't have the looks to get that. I get hot blacks but also, blacks are now starting to get uppity
and go for the skinny white ones and the Asians, which is very offensive to me that they don't stick with their roots -- the chubby white girl.
What I have to do now is get super famous and rich so I could get a big black boy toy to follow me around on the road and give me a fluff. I need
a fluffer, put the ad out in AskMen: e-mail Lisa if they want to be my fluffer. All I want in the next
year is to get laid on the road and have some good times. I want a guy who's so dumb, he has a plate in his head. I banged a bouncer two days ago in
West Palm beach, he must've had "plate in the head" action going on because he could not spell his name and I thought, this is the type of
n*gger for me. Here's the thing though and also, I was a little scared, I hardly got any sleep because my purse was in the same room and when they're
black, you have to hide your money because they steal. And Hispanics and even dirty Arabs steal, they're so dirty, really, I can't trust any of those
f*ckers.
If you could be a black man for a day, what would you do?
Lisa Lampanelli: I'd bang Lisa Lampanelli! I would probably rob some sh*t because people expect it of me. I would get a lot of bl*w jobs in order to make up for the fact that we had slavery, and to get whitey back.
When's the last time you had sex?
Lisa Lampanelli: Dude, didn't I just tell you two days ago?!? Are you f*cking kidding? Are you high? Do you want a name? His name is Pierre, he is a big, darky bouncer at Palm Beach Improv, and I didn't even have to try because I'm a headliner now so they just come to me.
I guess now you get to take it, or better yet, give it like a man. Which reminds me of the title of your DVD, Take It Like A Man... why the title?
Lisa Lampanelli: Why do you think? When you come into the audience, wouldn't you say that the members have to learn to take it like a man? That's where it comes from. Audience members better get a grip and just take it like a man or else stay the f*ck out. Because there's nothing I hate worse than these f*ckin' tw*ts coming in staring at me all negative because I'm dirty. You know what b*tch, if you can't take it, then you're not wanted here. I'd rather pay the admissions myself.
You were at Pam Anderson's roast and you destroyed her; who else would you like to beat some jokes into?
Lisa Lampanelli: Tom Cruise. I want a shot at him someday, because I think he's a big closet cornholer. He needs to be told that he should stop anti-gaying himself and just come out of the closet and put a butt plug in. Here's how you can tell Tom Cruise is gay: He's banging skinny broads with no t*ts. That's like on the road to a butt plug. So Tom Cruise, bang a fat broad if you want to prove you're straight.
And that Sean Hayes from Will & Grace. Do you know that f*ckin' f*ggot? He's a f*g, but he won't come out, which I hate because I think we all should just be who we are. I can't hide that I'm a big white b*tch with a black ass. Cornholer Sean Hayes says that he doesn't want to play gay anymore, excuse me, that's like me saying I don't want to play c*nt anymore.
What are your thoughts on George W. Bush and Saddam Hussein?
Lisa Lampanelli: I don't even read the paper, I only talk about people who steal newspapers: blacks and Hispanics, I don't have nothing to say about George Bush. All I have to say is that he should lighten up on the gay marriage. Let the gays get married but don't let them get a divorce, see how they like being stuck with an asshole for the rest of their lives.
As for Saddam, all I have to say is, lalalalalalalalala. And give us some oil. This is why I don't like Arabs: the broads are okay because they know their place, but these Arab guys only bang the skinny ones. They would only bang fat ones if they could strike oil from it.
From all that you've told us thus far, it sounds like you're very experienced in the bedroom. Give AskMen.com readers some advice on sex.
I stink, I'm all talk. I just lay there and say "hurry the f*ck up." I once was so uninterested in sex that I told the guy that it turned me on for him to whack off and me to pretend I was sleeping. I'm lazy.
But you like porn, right?
Lisa Lampanelli: Oh I do like the porn. I have some porns I'll tell you about. Coo-coo for Cocoa C*cks, that one's nice; In & Out Of Africa, that one's very classy; and Interracial Facial, it was a little sloppy on the ending. Those three are pretty good.
Finally, what's in the works for you in the future?
I just got a deal [in the last week of September 2005] with HBO Independent Productions. It's a sitcom about me and my black boyfriend, we're pitching it to network too because we think it could be pretty big network-wide. It's gonna be edgy without cursing.
Comedy Central just called and offered me another hour special. It'll be out in 2006. And I just did Larry the Cable Guy and I play Larry's girlfriend's mother, that was really fun. I never got laid on that set, though, because they had me aged like a 65-year-old woman.
And I'm doing Comedy Central's Last Laugh '05. That's their big year-end wrap-up show.
Lisa Lampanelli: ... I'm at least as feminine as Tom Cruise ...
From Lisa Lampanelli: Dirty Girl
Lisa Lampanelli: ... "Holiday Play" ... cause we can't call it Christmas play no more, cause you Jews got jealous of us ... and made
up Hanukka to screw with us ...
From Lisa Lampanelli: Dirty Girl
Lisa Lampanelli: ... what am I your girlfriend or a genital wart?
From Howard Stern Show on September 6, 2007
Lisa Lampanelli: ... would Baywatch have been number 1, if it were Jimmy Kimmel's boobs jiggling in slow motion ... no, Jimmy can't get anyone
to watch his show now and they jiggle at regular speed ...
From Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson
Lisa Lampanelli: ... I see Eddie Griffin is here tonight, I don't know much about you Eddie, but I do know I love your brothers Damon and Marlon
[Wayans] ...
From Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson
Lisa Lampanelli: ... Hitler got more laughs than Jimmy Kimmel, and he did it without Jewish writers ...
From Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson
William Shatner: ... you [Lisa Lampanelli] would be a better performer if whenever you were on a roll, you didn't stop to eat it ...
From Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner
Lisa Lampanelli: ... you [Pat Cooper] make Jerry Lewis look like Dane Cook ...
From Howard Stern Show on September 6, 2007
Lisa Lampanelli: ... Betty White is so old that on her first game show ever, the grand prize was fire ...
How many dates a year do you do now?
Lisa Lampanelli: Oh, man. I never stay home. It’s like 50 weeks a year on the road. I’m going broke from buying all the porn off the TV. But still, this is nothing to complain about. This is so much better than being in an office doing a job that I hate. So, thank God that the only thing that’s bugging me is people on airplanes. Other than that, I’m fine.
I hear you. I did the office thing for about 10 years, and now I do this from home.
Lisa Lampanelli: Aw, it’s so much nicer, isn’t it?
Yeah, I actually get to see my wife every once in a while.
Lisa Lampanelli: Well, at least you have a wife. My black boyfriend just dumped me last week.
You know what, that was my last question in the interview. I was going to ask if you actually had a black boyfriend.
Lisa Lampanelli: No, of course not. I mean, if I have to bang every type of group that I make fun of, my vagina would just fall off, okay? I don’t make fun of blacks because I bang blacks; I bang blacks because they’re hot and sexy. At my weight, I could get a chubby white guy or a hot black. Jerrod from Subway, no thanks. LL Cool J, step right in.
I liked the line (on the Take It Like a Man album) about the refrigerator (“Remember the good old days, when a black guy would bang a refrigerator if it was white?”). That made me laugh.
Lisa Lampanelli: Oh, it’s so true, because years ago, that’s what I could get. Now I have to get more famous to get a good looking black. My problem is, my boyfriend dumps me because I guess I’m away too much, ‘cause I am away like every week, and I forget to put him on my list of things to do. And it’s just hilarious because you’re on the road, you’re doing your thing, and oh my God, now I have to worry about getting laid, too? So that’s really rough.
But last week, I had my first booty call in, like, four years. It was very exciting, it was this bouncer. You know how bouncers are always black because people are afraid of them? But the way to do a booty call, I learned from my gay friend Wendel, is you pick the stupidest, hottest guy, and you never give him your phone number, because you don’t want him to call you back. So I’m learning how to be a gay man on the road.
That sounds like sage advice.
Lisa Lampanelli: It’s very fun! I tell ya, the gays have it all figured out. The problem was, I didn’t get no sleep, not because we were banging the whole time, but because my purse was in the same room. And (laughing) I was nervous about falling asleep. So I just hid it under the couch, with a bunch of laundry and his work boots on top of it, and thought, He’ll never find it.
My first exposure to you was the (Jeff) Foxworthy roast.
Lisa Lampanelli: Oh, my favorite. Wasn’t that so much fun?
I had never heard your name before, and then I saw you lay that entire Blue Collar group to complete waste.
Lisa Lampanelli: That was the most fun night of my life.
I had a couple questions about the roasts in general, but also about that roast in particular. How much has your life changed since that gig? How many people have you run into that have said the same thing that I just did?
Lisa Lampanelli: A million people. And my price went up instantly, which is great. And it’s not that we’re in this for the money, but when people come to the clubs, it helps when they give you more dough. (The gig) got me known where my manager would get calls – “We want Lisa Lampanelli to do this little bit part and that” – and Larry the Cable Guy just put me in his movie, which comes out in 2006. But before, I had done that Chevy Chase roast, but nobody watched that, because nobody likes him. He’s a total douche.
(laughs) Roasts are obviously supposed to be mean fun, but that Chevy Chase roast was one of the most mean-spirited things I have ever seen.
Lisa Lampanelli: Well, because he was such an A-hole. I’ve always thought that the more tongue in cheek the roast comes off, like Foxworthy, he’s such a great guy. I mean, there is nobody who has a legitimate complaint with Jeff Foxworthy.
Well, how could you?
Lisa Lampanelli: Exactly, and Larry the Cable Guy, they’re all just great guys. And because none of us (roasting Foxworthy) meant anything that we said, it came off so much funnier. And I was the only chick on that, so that helps. You know, “wow, she’s the only girl and she did so good,” this and that. But this Pam Anderson (roast) made it a million times better, because of all those celebs like Courtney Love made idiots out of themselves. And I got to cash in.
I have to admit, I haven’t seen that one yet.
Lisa Lampanelli: Oh, my God. Dude, Courtney Love and Andy Dick, they misbehaved so much that it was on CNN and Access Hollywood. So everybody wanted to watch it, and because of (Love and Dick) being idiots, people got to know who I was. I’m like, bring it on, drink some more, Courtney, you old whore.
I lose track of all the times I’ve read about Courtney Love doing something stupid.
Lisa Lampanelli: Oh, well, she did something even stupider. After my set, because I had to headline the thing, I go up, I do really well, she grabs me, and before I know it, she’s kissing me on the lips. Now, listen, I ain’t had a dyke encounter, and I got nothing against lesbo encounters, but I figured that if I had one, that I would be the ugly one. I mean, of all the broads there, of all the chicks that could have planted one on me, like Pam Anderson, Anna Nicole Smith…I would have made out with Bea Arthur, do you understand? I would rather have a Golden Girl on my face than that broad. And she tasted terrible; she tasted like Marion Barry’s morning breath.
I was going to say, is it the Colin Farrell blend of whiskey and cigarettes, or was there more to it?
Lisa Lampanelli: Ha ha! Much, much worse. She’s a really crazy bitch, and I like crazy bitches, but when she walks into the makeup room, I’m not lying, she goes, “Make me look like Marilyn Monroe.” And I think the guy thought she said Marilyn Manson.
“There just isn’t that much makeup, Courtney, I’m sorry.”
Lisa Lampanelli: There isn’t enough to make her look like Marilyn does today, six feet under. But hey, the more she misbehaves, and the more that Andy Dick acts like a loser, hey, thank goodness the byproducts of that really helped.
A few months back I did an email interview with Larry the Cable Guy.
Lisa Lampanelli: (Cheering) Yay! I love him.
All right, now quick: how many jokes just sprung into your head when I said, “email interview with Larry the Cable Guy”?
Lisa Lampanelli: You know, I can’t believe he has indoor plumbing, much less a computer.
You should have seen (his original, unedited email). I’m going to assume his house was on fire when he was typing it.
Lisa Lampanelli: Oh, that’s so funny. The grammar, the spelling, I’m sure he doesn’t seek out spellcheck. He cracks me up. I swear to God, he is my hero right now. Because anyone who can sell that many albums and create such a character that America just gloms onto, that guy’s a genius. Plus, he works his ass off. This is what I love about him: When the guy who’s, like, in his late 30s and whatnot, who’s been working his ass off for 20 years, finally gets what (he deserves). Like, yay, there’s still hope for us all.
The one thing I mentioned to him was that by comparison to the shellacking that Ron (White) and Bill (Engvall) got at your expense, I thought you let Larry off pretty easy. So I asked him if he slipped you a twenty.
Lisa Lampanelli: Ha!
Or if you two were dating in secrecy.
Lisa Lampanelli: You know what’s weird is he’s the one white guy I’d bang. There’s something really sexy about a guy who can’t spell his own name.
A guy who doesn’t have sleeves…
Lisa Lampanelli: Oh, that’s just hot, that’s really sexy. You know what’s funny, he lost all this weight. He started to look too good for his audience, so thankfully he’s putting it back on. When we did the movie it was so funny, (his) movie’s called “Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector.” My manager calls me and says, “The director saw your (Comedy Central) special, he wants to write a part for you.” I swear to God, I thought she said “love interest,” but she said, “Larry the Cable Guy’s love interest’s mother.” (laughs) And at first I’m all flattered, I get to make out with him, you know? And she’s like, “No, no, no: Mom.” So they had to age me to be 65 years old, it was really cool. I was like, Oh, I’m not getting laid on this set.
I talked to Dane (Cook) about the roasts, and I wanted to get a second opinion on this. He said that they go on way too long, and that everybody’s smashed about halfway through.
Lisa Lampanelli: Well, that definitely was true with the Pam Anderson one. That (roast) was three hours. You guys only saw an hour and a half with commercials. It was three hours. And what happens is everybody’s parlaying to get their guys on the show. You know, these celebrities have their friends that they want on (the show), like Tommy Lee, and Courtney Love, and rightfully so, you know? But then they have to stick three or four legitimate comics on to actually roast, like (Greg) Giraldo, and (Nick) DiPaolo, and me, and Jeff Ross. So it’s all these guys kind of jockeying for position, and it does go on way too long, it’s retarded. And then they edit it down anyway, so the guys who are last up have the toughest job, because they have to keep these people alive.
So when I heard your record after seeing that roast, I really had no idea what to expect from you, and then I heard it and thought, Oh my.
Lisa Lampanelli: Yeah, I know, it’s a little tame, isn’t it? I should be more edgy and come out of my shell more.
I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.
Lisa Lampanelli: (laughs) Yeah, right? Well, it’s really funny because I’m an insult comic, so on these roasts, I have this high pressure to do well, whereas if anybody else tanks, it’s okay. But that’s just what I do for a living. I roast people every night three times a night, so I better freaking do a good job.
Did you start off like that? Before you were Queen of Mean, were you Princess of Propriety?
Lisa Lampanelli: Aw, I like when you use big words. What a turn on. I was never nice, but I was always likable. I started out like a normal comic, writing out five minutes of material about what was going on in my life. And eventually I started listening to tapes of my shows, and I was like, Wow, the funniest stuff, and the stuff I’m laughing at, is when I’m fucking with the audience. So I thought, Okay, I’m going to do more of this. About seven years ago, I guess I started committing hard to it, and saying (to myself), the more that other people aren’t going to say about these issues, the more I’m going to say. I’m not going to be that typical chick comic who talks about PMS, and dating, and-
And thank God for that.
Lisa Lampanelli: Well, I had someone come up to me after a show and say, “You don’t make fun of men enough.” I said, “I’ll leave that to every other woman comic in the world, you twat.” I mean, come on, man! Why do I have to do that? I just went through the breakup of this relationship. I would never get up there and start man-bashing like that. Too many people do it already.
So you’ve got this (insult comic) thing down to an art now, and you’re drawing much bigger crowds, you’re taking more at the door, which is awesome. But where do you take it from here? Right now, it’s Fun with Stereotypes, but do you ever think about what the next level of insult comedy’s going to be for you?
Lisa Lampanelli: There’s always some disaster to make fun of. There’s the hurricane, there’s the tsunami, there’s rape, there’s AIDS, there’s incest. So I think as long as there’s stuff that makes me laugh without forcing it, that really amuses me to talk about onstage…like last week I talked a lot about the relationship, the breakup, and some stereotyping was in there. I also talked about stuff like the hurricane, and all these f’ing rubber bracelets that we all have to wear. Oh, another tragedy, another bracelet, how many fucking things do I’ve got because he’s got a sore left nut, you know what I’m talking about? Whatever, Lance. He has to bang that ugly Sheryl Crow. Horrrrible. At least he didn’t have to go that far.
Oh, man, half my writing staff’s going to freak out when they see that line.
Lisa Lampanelli: Why? She’s horrible.
They love Sheryl Crow.
Lisa Lampanelli: Yeah, what are they, dykes? I saw a picture of her without makeup, and she looked like somebody ought to drop a house on her. I’m sorry, she’s old, (Lance) could do better. But you see, as comics, we have to make fun of that stuff that you would cry about if you were a real person. To me, if you make a rape joke, like if you get raped by a good looking guy, then it’s not rape. I legitimately think fucked up things like that, and I say it. And people don’t normally get mad, and if they do, I buy a bracelet. It’s a dollar for rape. There you go.
You talk about other women comics, and the differences in your material, that kind of thing. But you’re not really playing with the women comics; you’re playing with the boys. What is that like?
Lisa Lampanelli: It’s great, because I don’t ever have to hear, “You’re funny for a woman.” It’s always just, “You’re fucking funny.” I don’t
have those dopey stories that broads have, with their dumb husbands and their dumb PMS and all that crap. And there are a couple (of comedians)
out there that I really respect. I love the shit out of Kathy Griffin, because she tells real stories that really happen to her. Other than her,
I can’t be bothered to watch none of them. I’m like a guy comic with boobs, who occasionally gets laid.
I’m even a white comic that even the blacks like a lot. I did the BET Comic View. I just did this thing, 20,000 seats, with D.L. Hughley and Carlos
Mencia in LA. And that was urban as hell, and I love being that one white person that the blacks like, you know? It’s cool.
Yes. Comedy does seem to be pretty…there’s not a whole lot of (racial) crossover.
Lisa Lampanelli: Exactly, and it’s nice to be that one that does. I was always that chick that guys would invite to the bachelor party, because I’m like a guy. It’s translated to comedy, where I’m the one white person they’ll invite to be in their black show, and they say, “She’s not a corny white bitch, like we thought she’d be.” I look like a soccer mom from Connecticut, and then I talk, and they’re like, “Shit, she knows our people.” So that feels nice, you know, to get that acceptance as the outsider.
I need to ask you a little more about your background, because as you know, I just learned your name about four or five months ago. How long have you been on the circuit?
Lisa Lampanelli: I guess I started about 14 years ago. I sort of did the road for about seven years, and then I moved to New York and started doing all the New York clubs. And that’s when the Chevy Chase roast happened. I got a manager in L.A., who handles Foxworthy and those people, and then everything started taking off from there, actually getting TV credits and things like that.
So you actually started right about the time that the first really big (comedy) wave was coming down.
Lisa Lampanelli: Yep. And I guess that’s good, in a way, because you really had to search and try hard for stage time, instead of the ‘80s, where everybody was headlining, and you had seven minutes, because there were so many clubs and so few comics. So yeah, I made it when I should have. It took some extra work.
To bring back Dane Cook, that’s what he said. He said he hit the clubs, and all of the veterans said, “Oh, you just missed it. It ended about a week ago.”
Lisa Lampanelli: Yep, that’s absolutely true, when the money started going down, and they stopped paying for hotel rooms, that’s when I started. Great!
“Sorry, we don’t have any coke; we’re just opening packets of sugar and lining them up. Does that work for you?”
Lisa Lampanelli: Right, exactly, dude.
So what are your plans for the next six months to a year? You’ve got the movie…
Lisa Lampanelli: I just got a deal last week with HBO Independent Productions, which is the production company that develops shows for HBO and other networks. So with them behind me, thank God, we’re shopping the sitcom around next week. My agent said, “Oh, she’s the next Roseanne,” and I totally agree with them. I really think this could be a very big show, because it’s really a family sitcom, it just happens to have a black guy in it. And a gay friend, because I’ve got my fag on the road with me all the time.
That’s Wendel, the guy that introduced you on your DVD, right?
Lisa Lampanelli: Yep, and he’s working with me this weekend. I drag him all over the country, and get him cornholed once in a while. That makes him happy.
And he teaches you how to do booty calls, so it works out well for both of you.
Lisa Lampanelli: See? It’s a win-win situation. Oh, and I just found out Comedy Central offered me another hour-long special. We’re going to tape that next year, so that’s nice. I’m taping Comedy Central’s “Last Laugh,” which is their big year-end wrap-up, and VH-1’s big wrap-up show, called “The Best of 2005.” And in the meantime I’ll be taking lots of acting classes, because I’ll be honest with you, dude, if I get this sitcom, I gotta freaking pretend I’m an actor!
Not really. I’ve noticed that most standups, they don’t really seem to be trying that hard, and they do just fine. You’re prowling a stage in front of a bunch of unruly people who have paid to see you, half of whom are drunk and want to heckle you. As opposed to being on a sound stage and in front of a completely controlled audience. You’ll be fine.
Lisa Lampanelli: Well, I thought, Can I really play myself? (laughs) I thought the funniest thing was when Lewis Black once told me that somebody was looking for a Lewis Black type for a movie, and he had to audition to play his own type. I go, Craaaaap. So hopefully, I’ll be able to play myself on my own show. And if this show doesn’t happen, I think I gotta keep doing (standup), and selling out bigger and bigger places, and see what happens.
Cool, well, I think I’ve gone over time here. I’m sure you have other people to talk to, so thank you for your time, and thanks for talking with me.
Lisa Lampanelli: Oh, you’re great! You know something about comedy, and that’s so rare. You have to understand, there’s so many people that don’t even watch comedy, so thank you for actually taking the time to watch this stuff. So is this going to be on this web site, Bullz-Eye.com?
Yeah. Oh, you’d love the web site, because it’s a men’s magazine kind of thing, full of all those skinny bitches.
Lisa Lampanelli: Oh, nice. I love that shit!
Yeah. You wanna do a photo shoot for us?
Lisa Lampanelli: (terrified) AAAUUUUGGHHH!! Maybe next year, after I shed my unwanted love handles.
Apr 03, Temple Theatre, Tacoma, WA
Apr 04, 7:00 PM, Newmark Theatre, Portland, OR
Apr 04, 10:30 PM, Newmark Theatre, Portland, OR
Apr 17, Center for the Arts, Buffalo, NY
Apr 18, 7:00 PM, Music Hall, Toronto, ON
Apr 18, 10:30 PM, Music Hall, Toronto, ON
Apr 24, 7:00 PM, Paramount, Austin, TX
Apr 24, 10:00 PM, Paramount, Austin, TX
May 02, Orpheum Theatre, Minneapolis, MN
May 08, State Theater, New Brunswick, NJ
May 09, Tower Theatre, Upper Darby, PA
May 15, Agua Caliente Casino, Rancho Mirage, CA
Jun 06, Nob Hill Masonic Center, San Francisco, CA
Jun 12, Spreckels Theatre, San Diego, CA
Jun 13, Long Beach Terrace Theater, Long Beach, CA
Jun 20, Chicago Theatre, Chicago, IL
Jun 26, Ryman Auditorium, Nashville, TN
Jul 16, Cape Cod Melody Tent, Hyannis, MA
Jul 18, Hampton Beach Casino, Hampton Beach, NH
Aug 08, Majestic Theatre, Dallas, TX
Sep 11, Sovereign Performing, Arts Center, Reading, PA
Sep 25, Overture Center, Madison, WI
Sep 26, Weidner Center, Green Bay, WI
Oct 10, Orpheum Theatre, Memphis, TN
Nov 14, Paramount Theatre, Seattle, WA
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