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Jeff Mirza Interview
What's your strangest experience?
Jeff Mirza: My agent called and asked me if I could do an Ecuadorian referee. I said: 'A referee, yes; but I don't know of any Ecuadorian
ones.' She told me about a guy called Byron Moreno who was the ref in the Italy versus South Korea game at the World Cup who sent Totti
off. So I had to go to Milan and play him in a Citroën advert as I'm supposed to be a lookalike. I was chased down the road by a group
of people while I was there. It's definitely off my holiday list.
Was it harder to get into stand-up as an Asian?
Jeff Mirza: Not really. Don't forget that it was in the days before there was anything on TV, so people did want to hear what you had to say. Not being
funny would have been the big problem. As an Asian, if you're funnier than everyone else on a particular night you get extra praise: 'Oh mate, I didn't
think you'd be funny, but you were hilarious.' Similarly, you also take a little more heat if you're less funny. It seems as though everything is a
little more extreme.
Acting or stand-up?
Jeff Mirza: Stand-up is great because it's an immediate blast. You know immediately whether it's gone well so you go home on a total high or with your
tail between your legs. TV and film takes much longer to come out. As Mo, most people couldn't recognise me: they'd put me in all these 1970s clothes
and I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my dad. It was just like looking at old photos of him: sideburns, flares, wide lapels.
What do you read on public transport: Metro or White Teeth?
Jeff Mirza: I'd read White Teeth before I got the role and started reading it again as I was travelling around but it's a big old book and hard to carry
and quite heavy. So I guess I'm one of the ones who pick up Metro. I'm a bit blokey when it comes to books, though. I'm much more into biographies
and stuff like that.
Can you Bend It Like Beckham?
Jeff Mirza: I've not played much for a long time. I'm an unhappy Hammers fan - we have to try and get off the bottom of the league. There's something
happening there that I'm not sure about. I do like Paolo Di Canio though - he is still the star player. Glenn Roeder needs to pull his finger out in
the next few weeks otherwise he'll be in trouble.
Wasn't giving up civil and structural engineering for stand-up a bit precarious?
Jeff Mirza: Shaky, but I had good foundations. I was always funny at school and I wondered how you became a comedian, so eventually I contacted some
open-mike spots. My parents were like: 'What's happening here?' They could have understood anything else but not a comedy club. But then I won a little
competition. It was only a £100 prize but the penny dropped for them when I gave my first earnings to my mum.
'Saddam wouldn't use his own gags: he is the thief of bad gags. And that was one of them'
It must have been a shock for them; you leaving a nice middle-class job.
Jeff Mirza: They hated the idea at first. It was the typical Asian thing: 'Go to university, get a nice job, get married.' They had their whole life
plan mapped out in front of them - and mine. It didn't fit into their tradition but at least it didn't seem like something that was bad, so they came
round. My dad said: 'Son, you'll never make it in comedy because you don't have a funny moustache.' Having grown up in Pakistan, they were used to
Laurel & Hardy.
How do you deal with hecklers?
Jeff Mirza: There are different categories: there's the factual one - who just shouts, 'Actually it was 1972,' so you just turn them into an anorak.
Then there's - not the nasty one - but the drunken one. One of my favourites was being heckled by a blind man. He shouted: 'Get off.' And then a few
minutes later: 'Has he gone yet?'
What do you think of the westernisation of Bollywood with The Guru?
Jeff Mirza: I've not seen it - but Jimi (Mistry) is usually good value. Doing stand-up means I hardly ever get the chance to go out, so I'll watch it
on video. Asian ideas being more accepted is a good thing. Four or five years ago, you could have mentioned Bollywood to someone and they wouldn't
have known what you were talking about. Perhaps my generation, which is second or third, have become more westernised, so there's more cultural fusion
and diversity. There was a time when, even as a community, we'd never say we watched Bollywood - it was a bit like being a Trekkie. No-one goes to
work and says: 'Did you see that episode where Jean-Luc Picard got off with an alien?'
How come there aren't more Asian footballers?
Jeff Mirza: It's down to the family thing - they haven't cottoned on to the fact that there's money to be made in football. It's a contact sport as well
and traditionally cricket has been the big thing: no contact, nice white flannels, keeping clean. I've not played for a long time but I do do a very
good Imran Khan [mimics accent]: 'People say to me Jemima is very homely. And she is, she has homes in London, Paris and New York. My message to the
youth is don't go out to discos, clubs and restaurants. Let me go for you.'
How difficult has it been as a UK Muslim post 9/11?
Jeff Mirza: Well, the Taliban actually have something in common with Tottenham Hotspur. They both lure thousands of people into a stadium and torture
them. Honestly, there was a little bit of bother - I got a few heckles. It has helped raise awareness of Muslim issues, though. People know more about
things such as halal meat. I'm working on a character who's a halal butcher with a conscience. Putting the heart back into halal butchery.
Would you send the troops to Iraq if you were Tony Blair?
Jeff Mirza: Saddam's name spelt backwards is maddas. They should bring him over here and make him do stand-up comedy as a punishment. He wouldn't be
using his own gags, though: he is the thief of bad gags. And that was one of them. In truth, I think we need a bit more evidence if we are going to
war.
What about Kashmir?
Jeff Mirza: It's tricky. What seems strange while talking about politics is that I used to do a gag ten years ago about the Israeli PM and Yasser Arafat
and it's prefaced with 'Middle-East peace crisis'. Comedians don't sometimes do topical stuff 'cos it has a limited shelf-life but that still goes
on ten years later. The gag was about using marijuana for peace - you'd have the PM saying: '[Sucks in] Hey Mr Arafat, you want this Jerusalem, take
it.' And Arafat goes: 'Hey, you think I look like Lionel Richie? Let's do blowback.'
Jeff Mirza Reviews
"Jeff Mirza - EMMA Award winning Comedian's version of 'Brimful of Asha' sung from the point of view of a corner-shop owner. Hence the chorus - 'A tinful of tuna fish one-forty-five' is hilarious" London Evening Standard
"Next on was Jeff Mirza, big-chested and bouffant, saying things about Indian independence that only Europe's "top Asian Comedian" could get away with. He mocked Brummie Asians for speaking like West Indians, Mocked white Britons for throwing up their "Indians", and heads nodded with him - the audience, now thickening, laughed across their tables" The Guardian
"Six foot tall, with a briefcase of degrees and the look of a mischievous cherub" The Independent
"Jeff Mirza's stage persona combines suaveness with joviality" The Scotsman
"The sharpest Asian stand up on the alternative comedy circuit but also Britain's best loved Asian Muslim comedian" Time Out
Jeff Mirza Quotes
Jeff Mirza Website: http://www.jeffmirza.com